tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63148373741546812982024-03-14T05:32:34.908-04:00Pharm GirlO Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself; It is not in man who walks to direct his steps.
Jeremiah 10:23Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.comBlogger539125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-16195438368350440872013-09-16T22:10:00.002-04:002013-09-16T22:10:57.385-04:00A Bit of A ReviewBetter fasten your seat belts because this could be a long one - I'm thinking back on the past year and reflecting on so many lessons...<br />
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This time last year I had just cleared out my desk, said good bye to my career in nuclear pharmacy, & I was officially unemployed. I remember feeling so many things - sadness, loss, anxiety, & just a twinge of hope that I would actually get some things done & get caught up on some sleep. It was a weird feeling. I was grateful that I had time to do things I hadn't had time for before - time to help take my grandma to the doctor, time to spring clean the house, I even took time for a couple of Girl's Shopping Days with my aunt, sister, & grandma. Since G-ma's death in January I'm so glad that I was able to have those extra special days with her. And looking back, during that time I got to spend a lot of time with people that I wouldn't have otherwise...crafting days with Beth & Laura, Missy came from Vienna for a three day visit, my annual college girlfriend get together...it was wonderful. <br />
So I spent most of September visiting & also working on wood crafts for our first ever attempt at manning a booth for a craft fair. Mike & I slaved away for hours making different little goodies for our booth. We had a lot of fun & there was a tremendous amount of nervousness before & during those days in the big tent. It was a disappointment on many levels but it was good, too. I love how God does that, by the way. Just when everything seems awful He opens my eyes to the blessings in the situation. Maybe we didn't sell much but we spent extra time with family & that was so very good for our souls. Maybe we have tons of leftover inventory but Mike & I spent so much time side by side helping each other create & enjoying each other's company on a new level. And of course, since a year has passed the sting of disappointment has numbed & it's easier to see the blessings. Would I do it again? Not exactly the same way but yes, I think I would take that leap again. And with the little business tricks we learned I think maybe we would be more successful the second time around...maybe.<br />
Then in October the job hunt began in earnest. I updated my resume & began the search by dropping a copy at every pharmacy here in town that was closed on Sunday. I felt kind of silly doing that because not one of them was actually hiring at the time. I just knew it was possibly a way to get into a field I was already qualified for without working for a national chain that would be open 24/7. Then I began looking online. Online job hunting is so miserable I would take a break and spring clean. Yep, I'd rather move furniture so that I could vacuum behind it than surf the web looking for a job. It took me forever to fill out applications & upload resumes & blah, blah, blah. Right about this time I started day dreaming about what I would do instead of getting a job...I would become a world famous blogger! But suddenly I had nothing to say. I would write a book! But suddenly I had no attention span for sitting still. I would get pregnant! With twins! God had other plans on that one, too. So I kept slogging through it day by day. It was discouraging. I thought maybe I would look for another type of job, start another career. The thought of going back to school gave my stomach a twist. So I kept waiting & praying & looking & cleaning.<br />
Then I got a phone call from a cheerful sounding lady named Roxanne. She is the pharmacy manager of a clinic pharmacy here in town (one of the pharmacies where I had dropped a resume). I was really startled to get a call from her because I knew that her pharmacy had virtually no turnover. There are only two pharmacists & two technicians, all of whom had been there over 10 years. It turns out, one of her techs was leaving to be a nanny for her new grandson. And all the things that fell into place for that to happen I don't have the time to tell you, but it blew my mind when I heard the whole story. It just made me realize how involved God is in our lives. He can open any door. Long story short, I began working at that clinic full time, Monday through Friday, last November. And I even started out at a higher hourly rate than I was previously earning. Exceedingly abundantly above all I had been praying for.<br />
But then there were some bumps in the road. Retail pharmacy is not a very fun job. I had a bit of a hard time acclimating. I was coming from a job where I rarely spent the whole day in the office. I had plenty of down time & a boss who didn't care what I did with it. We didn't punch a time clock & lunch was on the clock so I worked just an 8 hour day. Plus, I hadn't had to work directly with patients or any of the billing to insurance companies. Then there are the inevitable issues with coworkers. I really like my coworkers on most levels. There are just those little niggly issues - control issues, communication issues, frustration issues. I decided I was miserable & needed to start looking for something different. <br />
And before I had cracked that first online job search, I got a phone call. It was from another pharmacy that I had left a resume with on that day last fall. I went through the interview process with them & waited for a call with a job offer. No such call came. So I dismissed it. A month later they called again & wanted another interview. I went in & had such a nice interview. These were people that I really seemed to click with. They offered me a full time position for a comparable hourly rate & somewhat better benefits. The only real difference was that I would be working four 10-hour shifts. That extra day off every week was looking extremely good to me. I could spend more time with Grandpa & Dad! It would be like an extra Saturday! No more scrambling around late in the evening trying to get housework done! I was thoroughly enticed.<br />
But I knew that I should really discuss it with Mike. We sat down & drew out a pros & cons worksheet. I was feeling the Lord tug my heart one way & I was wanting to pull the other. This new job would be so good for me! I could get away from things that irk me & have a different schedule & it would be great! But I couldn't get over the notion that the new schedule would be bad for us, the Mike+MaryAnn. If I worked a ten hour day I would be getting off work 3-5 hours after Mike. We wouldn't be able to eat dinner together on those nights. I kept hearing the echo of a proverb ring in my mind, "A wise woman buildeth her house, but a foolish woman tears it down." I'm not even sure if that is all in one verse or if it's a snippet from two different verses that I put together but I could not get away from that truth. I could choose what was good for me or I could choose what was good for my marriage.<br />
So I stayed put. And some days I just shake my head & choose joy because it's not easy to be there. But it's just fine because I have this other verse, II Corinthians 4:1 "Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy we FAINT NOT." I remind myself that this job is indeed a ministry. God will strengthen me for it. He will cause me to be effective if I yield to Him. And there is no doubt that I daily rub shoulders with people who need Jesus in their hearts & in their lives. I'm grateful He found me worthy of the position. I hope I can be salt (being distinctively different) & light (a visible testimony) right there in that pharmacy, where He put me.<br />
It's been a big year. Lots of events, lots of feelings, lots of lessons, & so much to be thankful for. God is faithful. That's one of the things I love about Him most!<br />
<br />Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-57492324246860423172013-08-20T22:40:00.003-04:002013-08-20T22:40:59.316-04:00Dreams<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have a bit of a distinction in my family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm the dreamer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No, not the person who thinks of huge fantastic pursuits or fabulous lofty goals or fun extraordinary escapes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm the girl who goes to bed and during my sleep <i>I dream. </i>Crazy dreams. Wild, bright colors, slow motion, insane conglomerations of real events and movies and imagined things. Sometimes the dreams are fun and the next morning is story time for whoever wants to listen. Sometimes the dreams are exhausting and baffling. Every once in while they are scary (thankfully not often). Upon occasion I pray the Lord helps me forget the dream quickly because it upsets me and sometimes I thank Him for the happy things that have flitted through my mind during slumber.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last night was just like most other nights - I had a dream. I (dreamt? dreamed?) that I was at my parent's house. I was inside the house and apparently in my dream Mom was still alive. I went out the front door to find her and she was sprawled out on the front sidewalk in her teal bathrobe, the one with the zipper down the front that she had for almost all of my growing up years (that bathrobe appears in more Christmas morning photos than my dad does). When I saw her lying there of course I knew something was wrong. I ran to her side and got down on my knees and in my dream I did exactly what I did that night we found her dead on the couch. I started yelling, "Momma! Momma!" and I rubbed her sternum hard with my knuckles. I don't know where I got that little first aid tip but somehow I thought it would help. After a couple moments of my knuckle-rub screaming routine her eyelids fluttered and she woke up. We started trying to figure out what had happened and she decided that some of her medicine must be interacting and that's why she stopped breathing. Dream over.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that is where my realities merged. The night of my mom's death and the everyday hum of my workday smooshed into one odd story line. It's baffling how my mind knit together the many drug interactions we review at the pharmacy on a daily basis and my mom's passing. The mind is amazing and weird and obviously very busy while I'm sleeping.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yeah, I've kind of struggled today with wanting to be upset that I'm dreaming about Mom's death. I've been tempted to tell God that it wasn't very nice of Him to let all that pass through the filters and be remembered upon waking. But instead, I've been grateful - that after a dream like that it didn't even cross my mind to call in sick to work and stay home and mope. I've been grateful that I can see the humorous bits of the story and I've been grateful that I haven't cried today. These little things are all victories. They are all evidence of the healing that the Lord is faithfully doing in my heart in His time. I would like Him to work faster. But when I trust Him, I trust His timing (that's totally a quote from a pic I pinned on Pinterest this week - so very true, don't you think?!). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The idea of my grief being a 'disease' God needs to heal made me think of Psalm 103:1-5:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="chapter-3" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Ps-103-1" style="position: relative;"> Bless the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, O my soul,</span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-103-1" style="position: relative;">and all that is within me,</span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-103-1" style="position: relative;">bless his holy name!</span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Ps-103-2" id="en-ESV-15552" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">2 </span><span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15552B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></span> Bless the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, O my soul,</span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-103-2" style="position: relative;">and <span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15552C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></span>forget not all his benefits,</span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Ps-103-3" id="en-ESV-15553" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">3 </span> who <span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15553D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></span>forgives all your iniquity,</span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-103-3" style="position: relative;">who <span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15553E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></span>heals all your diseases,</span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Ps-103-4" id="en-ESV-15554" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">4 </span> who <span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15554F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></span>redeems your life from the pit,</span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-103-4" style="position: relative;">who <span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15554G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></span>crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,</span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Ps-103-5" id="en-ESV-15555" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">5 </span> who <span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15555H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></span>satisfies you with good</span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-103-5" style="position: relative;">so that your youth is renewed like <span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15555I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></span>the eagle's.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Ps-103-5" style="position: relative;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white;"><span class="text Ps-103-5" style="position: relative;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't know about you, but those verses give me a lot of hope.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Ps-103-5" style="position: relative;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text Ps-103-5" style="position: relative;"><i>Now here's to a good night's sleep for you and for me!</i></span></span><br />
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<br />Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-86504514302984191812013-06-11T22:42:00.001-04:002013-06-11T22:42:15.928-04:00Life<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">According to Dictionary.com...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">life<span style="color: #333333;"> </span><span class="show_spellpr" style="display: inline;"><span class="prondelim" style="color: #333333;">[</span><span class="pron" style="color: #333333; display: inline;">lahyf</span><span class="prondelim" style="color: #333333;">]</span><span class="prondelim"> </span></span></span></h2>
<span id="hotword" style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="cursor: default;">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="cursor: default;">condition</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="cursor: default;">that</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="cursor: default;">distinguishes</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">organisms</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">from</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">inorganic</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">objects</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">and</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">dead</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">organisms</span></span></span><div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">According to me, life is the days passing, the grand sum total of the triumphs and struggles, the tick-tock of time wasting away while we endure what we must, and the rushing sound of time flying by as we soak up the pleasures.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Life is fleeting. Life is fragile. Life can end in a moment. Eventually this life as we know it will end for all of us.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I realized something different about life as I was weeding the flower beds this evening. Life is tenacious. Life can flourish in the most unlikely places with the smallest amount of nurturing and watch-care. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Somehow in the midst of a whole lot of discouragement - jobs that are more frustrating than fulfilling, grief that still wants a stranglehold on my joy, to-do lists that grow more and more overwhelming, and relationships that have stagnated - in the midst of all of that, the Lord brought me hope through weeding a flower bed.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Life is tenacious. God's love is tenacious. For tonight, that's enough for my soul.</span></span><div class="dndata" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 37px;">
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Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-28568511272031016622013-02-23T09:42:00.002-05:002013-02-23T09:42:59.935-05:00And So It Goes...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
It's been a year.</div>
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A year since that frantic phone call from Dad in the middle of the night. I had recently assigned their home phone number a funny ring tone - it sounded like dogs barking. At 3:15 in the morning it confused me big time when the dogs started barking. All I could think was that surely it wasn't time to get up yet. I'll never forget the panic in his voice...and I never use that ring tone anymore.</div>
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A year...365 days...we've hit all the calendar 'firsts' without her...our first birthday without her, our first Christmas, Dad's first wedding anniversary alone, and now our first anniversary of her flight to heaven.</div>
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There are a few things I've learned this year. And even though I don't want this blog to be all about death (that's why I've avoided being here lately) I do feel like I need to record some things for my own benefit. I need to raise my memorials, my stones in the desert, raise my own feeble Ebenezers so that I can look back and be reminded of the faithfulness of my Lord Jesus.</div>
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I've learned that what the sweet older ladies told me at the visitation and funeral is true: I'll never get over losing my momma. I just won't. There won't be a day where there won't be a slight ache in my heart, a longing to talk to her, a need to hug her. It won't rule my life or ruin my days but I will always miss her. And it's true, I don't grieve like those who have no hope but I do grieve, in a deep way, every day.<br />
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Never in my life has my faith been tested as it has been tested this past year. I've never cried so much, questioned so much, doubted so much. But in all of it the Lord has stood fast beside me; His Word has never failed me. And I have been ashamed to see how shallow my commitment to Him has been. I've been convicted over & over in the song service at church. Hymns I sang with no real thought before have stuck in my throat as I've contemplated just what they mean...<br />
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<i>All the way my Savior leads me; what have I to ask beside?</i><br />
<i>Can I doubt His tender mercy, who through life has been my guide?</i><br />
<i>Heavenly peace, divinest comfort, here by faith with Him to dwell!</i><br />
<i>For I know whate're befall me, Jesus doeth all things well.</i><br />
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<i>All the way my Savior leads me, cheers each winding path I tread,</i><br />
<i>Give me grace for ev'ry trial, feeds me with the living bread.</i><br />
<i>Though my weary steps may falter, and my soul athirst may be,</i><br />
<i>Gushing from the Rock before me, lo! a spring of joy I see.</i><br />
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<i>All the way my Savior leads me; Oh, the fullness of His love!</i><br />
<i>Perfect rest to me is promised in my Father's house above.</i><br />
<i>When my spirit, clothed immortal, wings its flight to realms of day,</i><br />
<i>This my song through endless ages: Jesus led me all the way.</i><br />
Fanny J. Crosby<br />
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I've had to think through questions like, "All the way my Savior leads me? Really? Even with all of this death...my mom, several friends of the family, my G-ma...all in a year? All of this loss? He leads me? This is right?!" And His Word comforts me with verses like "Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil for Thou art with me," and "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." And so many other verses where I am forced to recognize, yes! it's true! I don't understand it, but Jesus does do all things well. <b><i>I can trust Him.</i></b><br />
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The truth is, this year has hurt like the dickens. I've been so sad; I've been changed; I've struggled; I've been pathetic; I've been angry; I have kicked, screamed, fought, & yelled. My emotions have fought powerfully for control of my life. Some days they have won the battle. Other days I have actually yielded to the Holy Spirit & He has helped me life by truth instead of feelings. Not surprisingly, those have been the better days. <br />
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The saddest, worst days are days like today when the calendar forces me to recognize the passage of time, the milestones without Mom. And then there are the days when I see three generation photos & I remember that any child we ever have will not know their Grandma & there will be no three generation photo for us. Or when I remember that there will probably never be that confusion again of whether I'm Mary Ann or Mary Lee or Mary Lou because I'm the only one left. And my heart breaks a little again...<br />
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So I cling to another favorite verse & hymn that have come to mean so much to me over the past months...<br />
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"As for God, His way is perfect: the Word of the Lord is tried: He is a buckler to all those that trust in Him." Psalm 18:30<br />
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<i>Simply trusting ev'ry day, trusting through a stormy way;</i><br />
<i>Even when my faith is small, trusting Jesus - that is all.</i><br />
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<i>Brightly doth His Spirit shine into this poor heart of mine;</i><br />
<i>While He leads I cannot fall, trusting Jesus - that is all.</i><br />
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<i>Singing if my way is clear, praying if the path be drear;</i><br />
<i>If in danger, for Him call - trusting Jesus that is all.</i><br />
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<i>Trusting as the moments fly, trusting as the days go by;</i><br />
<i>Trusting Him whate'er befall, trusting Jesus - that is all.</i><br />
Edgar Page Stites<br />
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Trust, faith, hope, dependence upon my God...these are all lessons I've learned this year. And I've learned how worthy He is, how faithful He will always be. Each day He proves it to me when I have the wherewithal to get out of bed, go to work, choose joy, <i>carry on.</i> Because there are days left for me to live, work left for me to do, thanksgiving to give, joy to experience...this grief isn't all that's left to me. It's part of my lot but it isn't all of it. So He strengthens me to live on, trying to obey, trying to trust, trying to live the abundant life I know that the Lord wants me for me & that I know my momma would want for me, too.<br />
<br />Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-44541963870956155492012-11-06T13:53:00.002-05:002012-11-06T13:53:53.589-05:00Election Day Is Finally Here! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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To say this week has not gone according to my plans would be a major understatement. I didn't feel well Sunday night but I attributed it to being tired - surely a good night's rest was all I needed! Monday dawned bright & early with a long To Do list & a queasy stomach. And so goes 24+ hours of my life. I doctored myself up as best as I could, dutifully munched the toast Mike fixed, & prayed I'd be well enough to go vote.<br />
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God is gracious. I woke up this morning with a broken fever & no body aches. I had the strength to get cleaned up, drive to the polls, wait in a short line, & cast my vote. What a privilege! I pray it's something I never take for granted.<br />
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Recently as I was reading my Bible I was taking in some of the Old Testament accounts of Israel & Judah. Talk about political upheaval - kings were coming & going & wars were starting & finishing fast enough to make my head spin! And this is what I wrote in my journal:<br />
<i>I have been reminded that from the very beginning God has been in control of the kings & kingdoms - He determined who would be established & who would fall. The Lord always honored those who obeyed & those who humbled themselves & repented of their disobedience.</i><br />
<i>And so it is today. May American leaders have the wisdom to humble themselves & repent of their disobedience. And even if they do not, the Lord is still in control. He will still work out His plan. As an American I probably will not be able to confidently say, "It's all going to work out; it's all going to be OK!" But as a daughter of the Most High King, I certainly can say "All is well. The battle is already won & my future is bright with the Light of Heaven."</i><br />
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I hope you were able to go out & vote today. God bless America.<i> </i>Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-35762945610993291802012-11-02T17:37:00.000-04:002012-11-02T17:37:20.278-04:00Not Giving Up!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I took on a big project yesterday. It's a project that I've taken on for the past three years with varying degrees of completion/success. The Project = Raking the Leaves.</div>
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Oy. Autumn is a beautiful time of year but the shedding of leaves has to be part of the curse. God help me if I have to raise my arms, lift anything, or grip anything tomorrow. I.am.going.to.be.SORE.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">But it's all done - the leaves have been raked & bagged! </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"> I even mowed the grass!</span></b></div>
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It's still not a prize winning yard by any means. But I am grateful that the Lord granted me the time & the strength to get it done! And I'm most grateful that it only has to be done once a year *grin*Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-34983812348087244172012-11-01T16:49:00.002-04:002012-11-01T16:49:42.585-04:00A Bit of An "Ah-ha" Moment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I have really kind of struggled this week. It's been a physical/emotional kind of struggle. No matter how much sleep I get, I'm tired. No matter how much I get done, it feels like I'm wasting time. No matter how many job searches I do, I can't seem to find the place that could be the right fit for me. And then there are people in my life that I love who are also struggling. And being the person that I am, when I hear about those other struggles I try to pick them up & carry them, stacking them on top of the burdens that are already weighing me down.</div>
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Oy. What a way to live! I'm pretty sure that this is not the abundant life that Jesus talks about giving to us. But you know, I wasn't even aware of what I was doing until I had a conversation with Mike today on his lunch break. </div>
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I was asking him if he thought I should see our doctor to check out whether or not I am struggling with depression. Yep, it's kinda been that bad <i>(that's part of the reason I have been hiding out from this space; who wants to read sad junk all the time?!)</i>. I told him that some days I feel like I don't remember how to smile & when I try to, my face just feels twisted. </div>
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Of course, Mike was loving, kind, & supportive in his response. He told me I could if I thought it was necessary. He told me there was nothing wrong with exploring the situation. And he told me he knew how I felt because he had been in that same place before. He calls it feeling 'blue'. </div>
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Somehow, after he told me that I wasn't comforted. I was kind of mad, actually & so, so sad. Where is our joy? Why are we so sad? What are we missing that the Lord is trying to work out in us? <br />
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As I drove home I had a miniature pity party fit. I cried & told God that I really just missed my mom so much. And that I just wanted a job, for crying out loud! And hadn't this been enough? Wasn't He going to fix <i>anything</i> anytime soon?!<br />
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And I don't know what brought these thoughts to mind, but I started thinking about Thanksgiving. Most of my Thanksgiving thoughts so far have been to fuss & worry about how we are going to plan & pull off the family meal because Mom was the genius behind all of that. But today I actually had some genuine Thanksgiving thoughts. I wondered, <i>If I really start trying to be grateful for what I have, rather than mourn what I have lost, will I recover my joy? Will I start to have some hope? Will I learn to trust God? Because I am <u style="font-weight: bold;">really</u> struggling with that...</i><br />
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And you probably really don't want to know where my thoughts went from there because it will just highlight to you what a freak I am. I thought, <i>Maybe I can list 1,000 gifts by the end of the year! I'll be just like Ann Voskamp! And I'll post them here on the blog every day!</i> Then I got to trying to do the math in my head...there are 61 days left in the year, 1,000/61=I-have-no-idea-but-it's-a-lot! And then I got real with myself & admitted that I can in no way commit to posting here on the blog every single day. I'm just too scattered for that. <br />
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Then my mind went into an even scarier place: I thought, <i>I'll get on Pinterest & find some sort of Thanksgiving chart thing to make where Mike & I can daily list our blessings! </i>That idea is nuts for so many reasons, number one being that I don't have even a single sheet of construction paper in this house & number two being that Mike truly feels that stuff like that belongs in a elementary school classroom & not in our home, plastered on the kitchen wall, for example. <br />
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So I guess maybe I just need to make a change in my thinking. And I know that the Lord will help me do that. He already has, truthfully. Right after I came home from meeting Mike on his lunch break (a perk of unemployment that I'm so grateful for) I came home & started raking/bagging the leaves in our yard. As you all know, this is a somewhat exhausting chore & awkward (dumb leaves, GET.IN.THE.BAG!). But as I raked & piled & scooped & bagged I thought about how we have a yard! we have trees! we have a rake! & bags! I'm healthy & strong enough to do the job! <br />
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Maybe what I'm finally beginning to learn is to "<i>give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." I Thessalonians 5:18</i><br />
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Because "all circumstances" includes the death of your mom, the loss of your job, the disappointment of expectations, the death of dreams, all circumstances = ALL circumstances. And the Lord wouldn't ask me to do it if He couldn't help me accomplish it. <br />
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So I'm putting on my Turkey hat & starting the work of being thankful. I hope you are, too!Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-38901800123576154972012-10-31T16:36:00.000-04:002012-10-31T16:36:06.925-04:00Happy Halloween!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's hard for me to believe it's Halloween already. Hard because that means...<br />
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I've been unemployed for two months<br />
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I've been job hunting for a month & had absolutely no success<br />
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Our first Thanksgiving without Mom is merely weeks away<br />
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Our nephew Caleb will be officially a teenager in only 19 days (yikes!!)<br />
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And I haven't been on here posting anything for <b><i>ages!</i></b><br />
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Hopefully I'll be around a lot more frequently in the next couple of weeks. I have notes everywhere of different things that have happened, lessons that are being learned, & photos that are marked to be shared here. <br />
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But until then, Happy Halloween! Everybody stay safe & enjoy the treats, avoid the tricks!Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-25929866959151961932012-08-29T14:14:00.001-04:002012-08-29T14:14:47.391-04:00Counting It Down & Packing It Up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Part of me is very confused over my sadness with my job loss. I've been unsatisfied with my job in many ways over the past couple of years. There have been big issues (not enough work to do) & little discomforts (the early shift, the many miles driving, the cold air conditioning running all.year.round, sharing a bathroom with six men), so one would think that I would more readily embrace this change. And it wasn't a surprise. There had been concerns that led to suspicions which led to rumors which finally lead to the actual announcement - the doors are closing. In two days. Wow. And the unexpected sadness of losing my job has settled into my soul, right next to the lingering sadness from saying goodbye to Mom. As I've been stripped of them both, I realize how much security & sense of who I was & what I was worth as a person came from that relationship with Mom & my job here at Cardinal Health. I know that is not how the Lord wants me to define myself & it's not how He wants me to claim my security. He should hold that place in my heart & life. And only as He strips them away from me do I realize how He has been displaced. Many lessons to be pondering as I pack it up & prepare to hang up my lab coat for the last time...in two more days.</div>
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I've spent some time today packing up my office. It's funny how many personal items have migrated into this work space. There's artwork from nieces & nephews...pictures of family & friends dear...reminders of who my God is...& little keepsake gifts given to be flipped through daily...<br />
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And now my space feels so bare. It's like this desk could belong to anybody - not just me. *sigh*<br />
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In between the packing of my personal things & the packing of the impersonal things of the lab - syringes, paperwork, tools, & other odds & ends not necessary for our final two days...in between all of this busy activity I have let my mind drift over promises I know that I need to cling to now. Otherwise, next week when there is no job to go to I will just stay in bed & mourn. Mourn this year full of challenges & difficulties. Mourn my losses & pain. I don't want to do that. I want to learn to rejoice in my times of suffering. I want to learn to offer the sacrifice of my praise. I want to learn to lean hard into the One who cannot be moved.<br />
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<i>If I don't learn these things, then what has all of this been endured for?</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-12891AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)"></sup>gave,
and the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has
taken away; </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-12891AJ" title="See cross-reference AJ">AJ</a>)"></sup>blessed
be the name of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Job 1:21b</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Make
me to know your ways, O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>;</span></div>
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-25-4">teach me your
paths.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Ps-25-5" id="en-ESV-14257"><div style="text-align: center;">
Lead me in your <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-14257I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup>truth
and teach me,</div>
</span><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-25-5">for you are the God
of my salvation;</span></div>
</span><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-25-5">for you I wait all
the day long.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Ps-25-5">Psalm 25:4-5</span></div>
</span></span></div>
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<span class="text Phil-3-8" id="en-ESV-29413"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Indeed,
I count everything as loss because of <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29413T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)"></sup>the
surpassing worth of <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29413U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)"></sup>knowing </span></span></div>
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<span class="text Phil-3-8"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29413V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup>have
suffered the loss of all things </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Phil-3-8">and count them as rubbish, in order that I may
gain Christ</span> </span></div>
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<span class="text Phil-3-9"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>and be found in him, not having <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29414W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup>a
righteousness of my own </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Phil-3-9"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">that comes from the law, but <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29414X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></sup>that
which comes through faith in Christ, </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Phil-3-9">the righteousness from God that depends on
faith—</span> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Phil-3-10"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29415Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)"></sup>that
I may know him and <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29415Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)"></sup>the
power of his resurrection, </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Phil-3-10"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29415AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)"></sup>may
share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Phil-3-10"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Philippians 3:8-10</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The
steadfast love of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> never ceases;</span></div>
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Lam-3-22"> <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-20377AF" title="See cross-reference AF">AF</a>)"></sup>his
mercies never come to an end;</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Lam-3-23" id="en-ESV-20378"><div style="text-align: center;">
they are new <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-20378AG" title="See cross-reference AG">AG</a>)"></sup>every
morning;</div>
</span><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Lam-3-23"> <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-20378AH" title="See cross-reference AH">AH</a>)"></sup>great
is your faithfulness.</span></div>
</span><span class="text Lam-3-24" id="en-ESV-20379"><div style="text-align: center;">
<sup class="versenum"> </sup> <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-20379AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)"></sup>“The
<span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> is my
portion,” says my soul,</div>
</span><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Lam-3-24"> <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-20379AJ" title="See cross-reference AJ">AJ</a>)"></sup>“therefore
I will hope in him.”</span></div>
</span></span></div>
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> is good to those who <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-20380AK" title="See cross-reference AK">AK</a>)"></sup>wait
for him,</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Lam-3-25">to the soul who
seeks him.</span></div>
</span><span class="text Lam-3-26" id="en-ESV-20381"><div style="text-align: center;">
<sup class="versenum"> </sup> <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-20381AL" title="See cross-reference AL">AL</a>)"></sup>It
is good that one should wait quietly</div>
</span><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Lam-3-26">for the salvation
of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Lam-3-26">Lamentations 3:22-26</span></div>
</span></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Be
merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-57-1">for in you my soul <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-14770E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup>takes
refuge;</span></div>
</span><span class="text Ps-57-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
in <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-14770F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup>the
shadow of your wings I will take refuge,</div>
</span><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-57-1"> <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-14770G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup>till
the storms of destruction pass by.</span></div>
</span><span class="text Ps-57-2" id="en-ESV-14771"><div style="text-align: center;">
<sup class="versenum"> </sup>I cry out to God Most
High,</div>
</span><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-57-2">to God who <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-14771H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup>fulfills
his purpose for me.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Ps-57-2">Psalm 57:1-2</span></div>
</span></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Heb-13-14" id="en-ESV-30239"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For
<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-30239X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></sup>here
we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Heb-13-15" id="en-ESV-30240"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Through
him then let us continually offer up <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-30240Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)"></sup>a
sacrifice of praise to God, </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Heb-13-15">that is, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-30240AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)"></sup>the
fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.</span> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Heb-13-16" id="en-ESV-30241"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Do not neglect to do good
and <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-30241AB" title="See cross-reference AB">AB</a>)"></sup>to
share what you have, </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Heb-13-16"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">for such <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-30241AC" title="See cross-reference AC">AC</a>)"></sup>sacrifices
are pleasing to God.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Heb-13-16"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hebrews 13:14-16</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QwttImxD8R4/UD5UeFqEkKI/AAAAAAAAB94/btbSG_2UaaU/s1600/rainywindow.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QwttImxD8R4/UD5UeFqEkKI/AAAAAAAAB94/btbSG_2UaaU/s320/rainywindow.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the mountains may depart</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-54-10">and the hills be
removed,</span></div>
</span><span class="text Isa-54-10"><div style="text-align: center;">
but my steadfast love
shall not depart from you,</div>
</span><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-54-10">and <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-18734A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup>my
covenant of peace shall not be removed,</span></div>
</span><span class="indent-1"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-54-10">says the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, who has compassion on you.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="text Isa-54-10">Isaiah 54:10</span></div>
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<br />Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-85283232242240855502012-08-27T14:46:00.000-04:002012-08-27T14:46:45.691-04:00A Little Happy...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
In case you were worried that I sat at home all weekend crying into my socks about Mom's birthday, I'll give you a little rundown of how we handled the occasion as a family.
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We ate (of course!). Instead of the normal family dinner at Mom & Dad's house we went to Olive Garden. Who doesn't feel better about life & the world in general when they have a belly full of noodles?</div>
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Beth & I were there, too. We were just too busy snapping pics of everyone else to actually get in any pics ourselves. It was a nice dinner with a sweet waitress & even sweeter fellowship. Balm for our souls.</div>
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<br />
And Aunt Ruth shared an answer to prayer. She has Lupus (like my Mom) but she has had it manifest itself in some different ways. She almost lost her vision this past year due to sudden, severe dryness of the eyes. She has been carefully treated & monitored by an excellent eye doctor. She has progressed well & just this week she was told that she is nearly fully recovered & can now space her check-ups out to every six months rather than every two months. God is good.<br />
<br />
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<br />
And as my Monday morning dawned today, my last Monday at my job, I was tempted to be very sad & more than a little angry that I have no choice in this situation. But then I heard the raindrops falling on our roof & I couldn't help but rejoice in another answered prayer - almost an entire inch of rain fell this morning. Hallelujah!Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-78031161258179966232012-08-25T14:02:00.000-04:002012-08-25T14:02:02.624-04:00Happy Birthday To My Momma<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
Today would have been Mom's 63rd birthday. I would have called her & wished her a super happy day. We would have all gathered for a dinner at their house with probably hamburgers on the grill & some cake with ice cream for dessert. There would have presents, laughter, & lots of hugs. This pic is from last year & I can just hear Mom giggle as she tore through the paper. Maddie is standing by to help, of course. It's so hard for me to believe that we are done celebrating her birthday. But I will never be done celebrating her life.<br />
<br />
<i>Happy birthday, Momma...I'm holding my memories of your loveliness close in my heart. </i>Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-54126345145438664102012-08-23T21:18:00.000-04:002012-08-23T21:18:09.870-04:00Six Months...A Somber Milestone<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Six months ago today I woke up to a nightmare. And truthfully, some days, sometimes even most days, I feel like I'm still trapped in a nightmare. Dad's frantic voice over the phone...the numb horror of realizing Mom was already gone with no last minute goodbye, no last hug, no last touch...when six hours earlier I had been talking with her on the phone. It all happened so fast. She was just gone.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
And the past six months have crawled by. I know that in time the Lord will help me deal with this grief. I'm not angry anymore (at least not most of the time). I can get out of bed, go to work, fix dinner, clean the house, fold laundry. I can function most of the time. Most of the time you could look at me & never know the sadness that I still carry around in my heart, trying to choke out my joy. Sometimes it wins, but not always. The Lord's grace is always with me & there have been so many faithful friends & family who have prayed. I know it's so because I've been helped. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Over & over today I've rehearsed the different things I'd say to Mom if I could. It reminds me of when I was in college. I would talk to Mom every Sunday night. During the week I'd list all the different things I wanted to tell her about or ask her about. I didn't want to forget anything because my mom was the type of mom that you could tell stuff to. And Mom knew all of my stuff. If I could talk to her today I'd say...</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
~I miss you. Every day. And I cry so much - I know you wouldn't really like that. I need your 'stiff upper lip' lecture.</div>
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~I'm losing my job, Mom. What am I supposed to do now? I'm trying not to freak out but it's really hard.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
~We're trying to get stuff together to do a craft fair. I wish you could come visit us there...I always loved it when you showed up to my stuff. Because you always did.</div>
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~I got my hair cut short! I finally did it. I know you wanted me to do it ages ago; I was just too chicken. I wish you could see it. And I've decided to embrace the gray; the dye has been kicked to the curb! You'd be happy to see my silver streaks!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
~Sometimes in church I stop singing so that I can listen for your voice. Sometimes I swear I can hear you. And it's the prettiest sound I've ever heard.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
~I'm starting to despair of my housekeeping abilities. How in the world did you keep our house so clean & uncluttered?! I need your help.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
~I didn't get any flowers planted in the front bed this year. You weren't here to go to the Apple House with me to pick them out. I got rid of the weeds but it's just this huge blank spot without you to help.</div>
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~Dad told me that I could have your purple leather purse. I've been carrying it everywhere. Every place I see purple I think of you & how it was your favorite color. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
~Your birthday is Saturday. I think I will make a white cake from a box with butter cream frosting made with margarine - just like you liked it. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
~I love you. So much. You were the best momma a girl could have had. I miss your quiet, confident faith & steady guidance. You never spoke loudly or acted forcefully but you had tremendous impact. I hope someday that I can be just a tiny bit of the wonderful that you were. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N2tnwBSI7H0/UDbQihQn9sI/AAAAAAAAB6c/IqiF5n5wOoU/s1600/photo+(1).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N2tnwBSI7H0/UDbQihQn9sI/AAAAAAAAB6c/IqiF5n5wOoU/s320/photo+(1).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">August 2011<br />Mom's Birthday</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-F33OeYBwhBo/UDbQj_xXQAI/AAAAAAAAB6k/6p6Cjs0tI84/s1600/photo+(2).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-F33OeYBwhBo/UDbQj_xXQAI/AAAAAAAAB6k/6p6Cjs0tI84/s320/photo+(2).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Holiday World Family Vacay 2011<br />Showing off our Skee Ball winnings.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-38959818027025699982012-08-21T14:41:00.001-04:002012-08-21T14:41:48.442-04:00A Life Changing Announcement...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Lately I've been kind of hiding out. I had some news to share but it was the kind of news that you can't broadcast to the general public (or even to your close blogging friends) without making sure that all parties involved were notified.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
And no, I'm not pregnant.</div>
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And no, my marriage isn't in crisis, we aren't changing churches, selling our house, or anything like that. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I'm losing my job.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ng1fHaIULWI/UDPR9iFt8TI/AAAAAAAAB6E/tjPN65rHhw0/s1600/ch.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ng1fHaIULWI/UDPR9iFt8TI/AAAAAAAAB6E/tjPN65rHhw0/s320/ch.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div>
The news wasn't wholly unexpected. Our pharmacy has always been a small one. We have always had less than 20 customers. </div>
<div>
<i>Just a quick note for those of you who don't know me in the real world: I don't often talk about the details of my job but I am a Nuclear Pharmacy Technician for Cardinal Health. For the next 10 days, that is.</i></div>
<div>
Anyway, we're small, always have been. But in the last year our business has shrunk even more. So has the business in our field, overall. I'm not sure what all the factors are that play into the loss of business & it would likely bore you if I tried to explain what I do know. The bottom line is that I will be officially unemployed as of September 1st. </div>
<div>
It's a weird feeling. I wish that I could say that I'm full of enthusiasm about all of the new opportunities I could pursue. But honestly I kind of feel like the hits just keep coming & that this has been the worst year of my life. That's just my dumb emotions talking & nobody wants to listen to their whining. Instead I've been trying to think of the things about my job that I won't miss - the long solitary drives (sometimes in scary winter weather), the early morning shift, the long afternoons when I usually don't have much to do, cleaning the pharmacy & surveying for contamination (my least favorite job), billing, filing...</div>
<div>
And I'm trying not to think about the things I'll miss - drawing up doses, running quality control tests on the drugs, processing white blood cell labeling tests, my funny all-male coworkers...</div>
<div>
*sigh* Change is painful but God knows I'd probably never leave this job unless He moved me. I suppose He wants to move me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As far as future plans go, I'm just not sure. I was blessed to receive a severance package so there is a little less urgency about finding another job. I have made myself many checklists of projects that need to be completed. I'm going to spring clean our house, Dad's house, & both of our cars. I'm going to make a couple of lunch dates with friends. I'm going to have my friend Missy visit for a few days (all the way from Vienna - yeehaw!). </div>
<div>
One of the most exciting plans I have for September will be to help Mike get ready for our first festival. We will be setting up a booth at a nearby fall festival to sell some Christmas ornaments & other varied crafts. Stay tuned for more details of Young Archer Woodcrafts. I can't wait to share some pics of what we're making & all the details of where you can see our products! It's been a long time coming & the free time that I'm going to have is giving us the extra push we need to get things underway.</div>
<div>
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I'm grateful that I don't walk the path of this life alone. The Lord has already given me some good promises from His word about how He leads His children. I know He is faithful. I hope that I can be faithful to Him & not worry & fret during this time of change. I'm also grateful He's given me Mike. His patience & calm spirit have been such a help during my freak outs. <i>Yeah, those happen. I'm quite given to freak outs - anybody else? </i> If you think of it, keep us in your prayers, bloggy friends. We appreciate it more than you know.</div>
Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-2453023506781362392012-08-15T14:31:00.002-04:002012-08-15T14:31:58.163-04:00'Zag, Pharm Girl Style<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
All of my life I've been a fan of food. <i><b>There's no surprise in that statement, is there?! </b></i> </div>
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Anyway, I like food. And pasta is food & lasagna is pasta & so that means I'm a fan of lasagna (affectionately referred to as 'zag).</div>
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Still with me?</div>
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As I've gotten older & become much less grossed out by things like vegetables, I've taken the meat out of my 'zag & replaced it with veggies. Our go to recipe for 'zag includes ricotta, mozzarella, mushrooms, & spinach. Usually I have frozen spinach but I've discovered that if you get fresh mushrooms & fresh spinach, saute them up with a little olive oil & butter - oh my! You'll never get a bag of frozen spinach ever again!</div>
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This past Saturday at the farmer's market I saw several stands with some lovely little eggplant (eggplants?). The only time I have successfully cooked with eggplant I made a huge dish of vegetable moussaka. It was fabulous but took approximately 23 1/2 hours to make. Slight exaggeration, but you get the idea. It was scrumptious but very involved & definitely not weeknight cooking. But that eggplant just looked so pretty there at the market & I was itching to buy one but just not sure what to do with it other than admire it for being so purple & pretty. So I asked one of the vendors & she told me that she likes to use eggplant for lasagna rolls. Hmmm...sounds good to me! She explained that if you buy a small eggplant, slice it quite thinly, & roast it with a little bit of olive oil before 'zagging it up, that it isn't necessary to salt it & do that whole mess when you have to draw out the bitter stuff. I was convinced that I could do it so I grabbed a pretty little purple guy & last night I got to 'zag making.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r4r8xkUqSDI/UCvmsuJuvOI/AAAAAAAAB5s/0QeefxwHKjY/s1600/zag.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r4r8xkUqSDI/UCvmsuJuvOI/AAAAAAAAB5s/0QeefxwHKjY/s320/zag.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The 'zag on the left is the roasted eggplant 'zag;<br />the 'zag on the right is our usual standby.</td></tr>
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I set out to make two smaller 'zags because Mike is usually somewhat culinar-ily adventurous, but I wasn't getting the whole <i>eggplant-is-cool-let's-give-it-a-try</i> vibe from him when I announced the dinner plans. It was a good thing I made both, because he didn't try even one little bite. Chicken. Shame on him.<br />
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Anyway, I'm not going to give you a real recipe-recipe. I'll just give you a synopsis, in case you want to give the eggplant in your farmer's market a little try! <br />
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Slice the eggplant thinly & arrange on a baking sheet. Coat lightly with olive oil. Put it in the oven at 400 degrees for about 10 minutes a side. Make sure it's getting quite tender. In the meantime, cook enough 'zag noodles to make a bottom layer & a top layer in your baking dish. Also, gather your ricotta, mozzarella, mushrooms, sauce (we use Ragu Super Chunky Mushroom) & some Italian seasoning is a good idea, too. When your eggplant is ready, just layer your 'zag in the pan. I put some sauce on the bottom, the noodles, then a mishmash of eggplant, the cheese, the 'shrooms, the seasoning, & the sauce. Then put on your top layer of noodles & this is when I pour on a ton of sauce. I don't know why; I just do it that way. And then I top it with a lot of mozzarella. You can never go wrong with lots of mozzarella. Bake at 350 for 35-45 minutes (depending on how toasty you like your top cheese to get).<br />
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Ta Da! Roasted Eggplant 'Zag, Pharm Girl Style!<br />
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If you try it & like it, let me know! If you try it & hate it, you don't have to tell me *grin* And if you have any suggestions for how to use eggplant, definitely let me know!<br />
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Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-5856721241706184322012-07-26T14:16:00.000-04:002012-07-26T14:16:17.434-04:00Hiya!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
The days have been a little crazy lately & I've been hiding out, living life & thinking on some things that will come in later posts...but for now, here's some snaps to show you a bit of what's been going on!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ckmieihgGB0/UBGEcQXyfkI/AAAAAAAAB3A/otZmhYByg0M/s1600/cu1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ckmieihgGB0/UBGEcQXyfkI/AAAAAAAAB3A/otZmhYByg0M/s320/cu1.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mike & I celebrated three years of marriage.<br />God is so good.<br />There is no other man on earth for me.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VBQxCQmL_UE/UBGEdDv8VjI/AAAAAAAAB3I/N6Jlrmekzrk/s1600/cu10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VBQxCQmL_UE/UBGEdDv8VjI/AAAAAAAAB3I/N6Jlrmekzrk/s320/cu10.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Drives for my job have taken me past this building several times.<br />I wish I worked in a building that had flowers cascading over it.<br />Such beauty.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EVWNyqYes_k/UBGEjs1u7pI/AAAAAAAAB3o/R-pSBBLlCQA/s1600/cu3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EVWNyqYes_k/UBGEjs1u7pI/AAAAAAAAB3o/R-pSBBLlCQA/s320/cu3.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Other drives for work had me commuting to the Big City for a week.<br />I'm glad, glad, glad that it's over.<br />Interstate highways & construction just don't mix well.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--pXWnHEUcqs/UBGEpHybBTI/AAAAAAAAB4E/wnVgB3K4DB8/s1600/cu6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--pXWnHEUcqs/UBGEpHybBTI/AAAAAAAAB4E/wnVgB3K4DB8/s320/cu6.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We've been eating good stuff like this southern Indiana grown melon from The Big Peach.<br />Thanks, Dad!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dRWD0mfS0Kg/UBGEsxC2ZQI/AAAAAAAAB4c/jfuWi1-qRRo/s1600/cu9.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dRWD0mfS0Kg/UBGEsxC2ZQI/AAAAAAAAB4c/jfuWi1-qRRo/s320/cu9.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And this is the grand sum total of our harvest (so far!) of our<br />14 tomato plants. Yep, 14 plants & 2 tomatoes. <br />Summer isn't over yet!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aDSiH8BZhi4/UBGFJVXCLwI/AAAAAAAAB4k/hlDCa_GcDuw/s1600/cu13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aDSiH8BZhi4/UBGFJVXCLwI/AAAAAAAAB4k/hlDCa_GcDuw/s320/cu13.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I've driven to work under skies this brilliant...</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IYvIg22VR80/UBGEqVWTlBI/AAAAAAAAB4M/5YpmcdK82Dw/s1600/cu7.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IYvIg22VR80/UBGEqVWTlBI/AAAAAAAAB4M/5YpmcdK82Dw/s320/cu7.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">& ended the day on our front porch gazing at skies this full of fire.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZIjRS0IZpeA/UBGEkrbfoKI/AAAAAAAAB3w/YZ5rIjubii8/s1600/cu4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZIjRS0IZpeA/UBGEkrbfoKI/AAAAAAAAB3w/YZ5rIjubii8/s320/cu4.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We've been getting some projects done...</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QAQxMj493nk/UBGElyCbC2I/AAAAAAAAB38/-UNefKMlq4A/s1600/cu5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QAQxMj493nk/UBGElyCbC2I/AAAAAAAAB38/-UNefKMlq4A/s320/cu5.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">like this cedar 'house' for our lawn mower & some tools.<br />I'm crazy happy that we no longer have a lawn mower on our front porch!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_ylIcHygOCQ/UBGEsM59wtI/AAAAAAAAB4U/dvegFEY_KRA/s1600/cu8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_ylIcHygOCQ/UBGEsM59wtI/AAAAAAAAB4U/dvegFEY_KRA/s320/cu8.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm also crazy happy about this pull out shelf system we installed in<br />my one big kitchen cabinet. I had been saving my Discover card cash-back<br />rewards to purchase a Lowe's gift card. After the giftcard this shelving<br />system only cost us $17! $100 was covered by Discover.<br />I.Love.That.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JhoLjwhZ_Y0/UBGEgPbAT2I/AAAAAAAAB3g/rj1CEdqr6EA/s1600/cu2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JhoLjwhZ_Y0/UBGEgPbAT2I/AAAAAAAAB3g/rj1CEdqr6EA/s320/cu2.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We've had a couple of rainy moments...but no rainy days.<br />The drought of 2012 drags on, trying, building, & stretching<br />the faith of so many of us.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-G80-NTTRjY4/UBGEeA-eooI/AAAAAAAAB3Q/TTdQo9qu5Bc/s1600/cu11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-G80-NTTRjY4/UBGEeA-eooI/AAAAAAAAB3Q/TTdQo9qu5Bc/s320/cu11.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They predicted rain for today. We got about three minutes of<br />downpour this morning but nothing else so far.<br />Will it or won't it?<br />Only God knows.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0FsPBLmUmh0/UBGEevv2dvI/AAAAAAAAB3Y/JZ2RZ6dcfNY/s1600/cu12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0FsPBLmUmh0/UBGEevv2dvI/AAAAAAAAB3Y/JZ2RZ6dcfNY/s320/cu12.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And I've had short hair for more than six weeks already!<br />I went in last week for my first trim.<br />I still love it.<br />And I'm still shocked when the gas station clerk or the clothing store<br />clerk stop me & ask, didn't you used to have longer hair?<br />How do they remember me?<br />Kinda scary...sorta sweet...another reminder to be a bright light for Christ.</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white;">And that's the news from our corner of the world! </span></div>
<br /><br />Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-1607908950990125122012-07-13T15:12:00.000-04:002012-07-13T15:12:27.897-04:00Going For The Gold!If you know me at all, you know that I'm not really competitive. I don't know if it's a self-defense mechanism because I'm not super good at much of anything or what. When it comes to contests/games/whatever, I just usually don't get too much of a fire under my hiney, if you know what I mean. But every once in a while something hits me just right & it.is.on. Like Donkey Kong.<br />
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It's county fair time around here. The 4-Her's have really got it going on this year. My niece Maddie has something like 19 projects on display, including her two pigs, Christmas & Bob. My nephew Caleb has nine or ten, including his two pigs, Paco & Porky. <i>Say that ten times fast, Paco & Porky, Paco & Porky, Taco & Torky...it's not easy!</i><br />
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Anyway, I'm not one of those adults who gets their craftiness together & exhibits at the fair. My sister did this year though & her stuff was fabulous - a violet, some blackberries, a wreath she made - all beautiful & blue ribbon worthy.<br />
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The thing that tripped <i>my </i>trigger this year is a little King Arthur Flour sponsored brownie making contest. I kind of waited to the last minute to get some inspiration together for what I wanted to make but I think I came up with a fairly good idea - Coffee Infused Brownies with Hazelnut Streusel Topping. I was thinking that coffee & chocolate go together fabulously & that the best coffee has some hazelnut going on. I wanted to stay away from the whole peanut butter or cream cheese or oreo or nutella influences. I figured that I needed to be a little more creative.<br />
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I searched online for a basic brownie recipe & then I tweaked it to make it a little more intense. Here's the recipe with my tweaks:<br />
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1 cup butter<br />
1 cup cocoa<br />
2 cups sugar<br />
1 T hot water<br />
2 T instant coffee<br />
4 eggs<br />
2 tsp. vanilla<br />
1 cup flour<br />
1/2 tsp. salt<br />
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Then I made up this streusel topping (it's pretty basic):<br />
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1 cup hazelnuts, chopped<br />
scant 1/4 cup flour<br />
1/4 cup raw sugar<br />
1 T cocoa<br />
4 T butter<br />
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Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a 9x13" pan with foil & grease lightly. In a large mixing bowl, melt butter. Add cocoa & blend well. Add sugar & mix well. Dissolve coffee in hot water. Pour into cocoa mixture & mix well. Add eggs one at a time & beat in well by hand. Stir in vanilla, flour, & salt. Pour into the baking dish & spread out evenly.<br />
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To prepare the streusel, place hazelnuts in a food processor & process until chopped well. Pour hazelnuts into mixing bowl & add flour, raw sugar, & cocoa. Mix well. Using a pastry blender or two knives, cut in butter until you have pea-sized pieces. Spread over brownies.<br />
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Bake for 30-35 minutes. Cool & enjoy!<br />
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These are seriously pretty good (not that I'm prejudiced toward myself or anything!). Rich, chocolatey, coffee-infused, crunchy hazelnuts, & yum...I'm seriously going to win.<br />
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Actually, probably not but that's all right. They were super fun to make & share. So make some, share some, & have some fun this weekend!Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-29247359228944786202012-07-06T13:11:00.002-04:002012-07-06T13:11:37.160-04:00Introducing the 'Cherry Bird!'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I'm having some focus issues today; please tell me that I'm not the only one.</div>
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Recently here at work things have been kind of slow. By slow I mean we only dispensed 8 doses today. And that type of slow translates into hours of trying to keep busy day after day while wondering if I will be employed next week or next month. It's a bit sad really. When we first started working here my boss & I made jokes about whether we could stand working together for the next thirty years or so since we are close to the same age & that time frame would get us to retirement. Almost ten years in, we can't make jokes about it anymore. I've hesitated about saying anything on here regarding the situation because all I can do at this point is speculate. And with these long slow days, I've got plenty of time to speculate! </div>
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I've been trying not to dwell on the 'what ifs' & 'maybes' & 'if onlys' & 'I wishes' & all of those other unproductive thought patterns. And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I know I struggled with these things before Mom's death but it's much harder now. That's no excuse; it's just the reality I'm dealing with. The work still has to be done to try to align my thoughts & thinking patterns with God's. And He'll help me do it - if I'm willing & we all know <i>that </i>is the tricky part.</div>
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So while I've been here at work today I have tried to occupy myself with some grateful/joyful/happy thoughts that have nothing whatsoever to do with loss/grief/worry/anxiety/fearofimpendingdoom. </div>
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And the best part of my day so far...the Cherry Bird!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I know this pic isn't the best, but if you could see this<br />thing in real life you would holler, "Cherry Bird!!"</td></tr>
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I hope that your day & your weekend is full of Cherry Bird goodness!</div>Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-66274334329920705702012-07-05T13:52:00.000-04:002012-07-05T13:52:43.750-04:00Holiday Hangover!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I've mentioned before that <a href="http://www.indianapharmgirl.blogspot.com/2012/01/you-wanna-know-what-i-think.html">Thursdays feel like the second Monday</a> & man! This week that is especially true! I've got holiday hangover big time - so sleepy & tired! I feel like I have just been bounced back from the cruelest short little weekend. But, thankfully that isn't truly the case & I only have about 10 work hours left before I get a real weekend! Yeehaw!</div>
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I had a super nice Independence Day (I hope you did, too!). I got up early & met Beth for a run. I struggled through the heat & some foot pain (dumb bone spur!!). We managed to put in three miles running & just over a mile walking. Can I just say that even though it is a bit of physical torture, spending that time with my sister is just the best. After we got done I took my sweaty self home to get cleaned up & do my 4th of July party cooking! I finally made one of my pinterest recipes, quinoa salad with black beans, avocado, and cumin-lime dressing. It was super good, if I do say so myself.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jdblNeqsq0E/T_XPxfSJtLI/AAAAAAAAB2U/h373YbpofBY/s1600/blackbeanavocadoquinoa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jdblNeqsq0E/T_XPxfSJtLI/AAAAAAAAB2U/h373YbpofBY/s320/blackbeanavocadoquinoa.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.eating-for-england.com/quinoa-salad-beans-avocado/">Source</a></td></tr>
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We got loaded up & headed over to Mike's sister's house. It's where I've spent the 4th of July since Mike & I have been together. It's Independence Day but it's also my father in law's birthday & we have to celebrate! Gwen & Jason have a pool so we all want to be there enjoying the water, especially since it's been so hot. Interestingly enough, I didn't struggle too much with missing Mom yesterday. I think it's because I had already gotten used to not celebrating with her. I did wish I could have called & had a little chat with her while cooking. And sadly, I never made connections with Dad. He worked & then he went to a party at Beth's house & we just missed each other. I've got some blueberry muffins for him so I'll have to pop by tonight & see him for sure.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mwrBh-4znm4/T_XNDNe8gzI/AAAAAAAAB2I/ba_vod_zjhg/s1600/flowers.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mwrBh-4znm4/T_XNDNe8gzI/AAAAAAAAB2I/ba_vod_zjhg/s320/flowers.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some of Gwen's garden treasures...</td></tr>
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Independence Day, for so many of us, is a time to see our family & friends, fire up the grill, jump in the pool, eat watermelon, light fireworks & just enjoy a day of being together. Just like every other holiday it can become so easy to forget why we have gathered, why we have been given a day off from work & our normal responsibilities. During the party yesterday I checked my facebook & instagram feeds a time or two & truly enjoyed the posts from friends that recalled my mind to the true purpose of the day. One of my IG friends posted a pic with this quote:<br />
<i>The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp & parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, & illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.</i><br />
<i>~John Adams to his beloved Abigail</i><br />
I think John had the right idea. <br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>God bless America, land that I love...</i></span>Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-48161368139312650772012-07-03T12:38:00.000-04:002012-07-03T12:39:23.142-04:00Strengthening Rain<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Can I let you in on a little secret? Every time I sit down to write here I feel like my thoughts should be much more organized. It's a wonder any of my posts make sense...if you could see the mess whirling around in my head right now - yikes! Sometimes it keeps me from writing; I second guess myself & say that surely someone else has written about that exact same thought & surely they have expressed it much more effectively than I ever could...but, some days I get over myself & actually put fingers to keyboard. Because some things just boil up inside of me until they are let out. Such is the case today.</div>
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The past I don't know how long, week or so, I have really struggled with the lack of rain & the unrelenting heat. I don't mind a hot day; usually I enjoy the heat much more than other folks. But the weather we have had this summer is unusual & that's nothing you don't already know. And the heat is exhausting. And the lack of rain has left me unsettled, too. I've actually fought some anxiety over it. </div>
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It goes a little deeper for me than just being concerned about my tomato plants. My dad is a landscaper. In weather like this his work dries up just like the leaves & the grass. Most years this would be troubling because he would be bored & their finances would be a little tight. This year, the first year without my mom, in my estimation it's much more devastating. As I put my watchful eye on my dad my chest tightens with concern. And I know that in my mind I am making the situation worse than it probably is, but I worry - long lonely evenings were bad enough before but what if his days become long & lonely & empty, too? What if I have to see my dad even more broken, unable even to work though he wants to? So I cry & worry & try to come up with solutions & I <i>pray</i>, begging for rain, begging for a break in the weather. And then I called dad & asked if he could please help us with our yard? Tackle some weeds & let me pay him. He agrees to tackle the weeds but we are still debating the pay.</div>
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He came over yesterday driving his big blue truck loaded down with his various weed dealing tools. He walked the yard digging & spraying & reassuring me that we could make something lovely out of the mess we have - providing we get some rain. And I watched him work & we both sweat through our clothes & my despair just mounted. The lack of rain & the heat & the continued struggles in my heart & in our family to just cope & keep living...it all makes me feel somehow like the end of the world is bearing down upon us.</div>
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Dad finished up his work & we chatted for a few minutes & I wanted to ask him to stay for supper but I didn't have a plan for what we would eat or even when. I asked him anyway but he declined like I sort of knew he would. He left with a wave out the window & Mike sat with me on the front steps while I quietly cried out my despair on his strong shoulder. He comforted me with his silence - there were no words of impatience or correction, just a deep understanding of my weak faith because after all, there is not one of us who hasn't had some struggle like this. </div>
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Eventually we get up & go into the cool house, have some supper, & move about our evening activities. I was in the kitchen starting a batch of muffins. He was in the living room finishing his supper. I glanced out the window & saw RAIN. At first I was confused because the sky was still bright blue but it was in fact <i>raining.</i> I squealed & I hollered & I ran into the living room & out the front door right into the cool shower. I let it dot my shirt & make my toes slippery in my flip flops before I came back to the porch & Mike took some pics with his phone. Lovely, beautiful, wet, cool rain - what a gift, what an answer to prayer, what a balm for my vexed soul. </div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cJaIFpC7ybI/T_MUv6re6CI/AAAAAAAAB18/jzyLWYSiK-o/s1600/rain.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cJaIFpC7ybI/T_MUv6re6CI/AAAAAAAAB18/jzyLWYSiK-o/s320/rain.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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The shower didn't last long - maybe five minutes but it was followed later by a thunderstorm that hailed on our new car & left me sopping wet while grocery shopping. But I pushed my cart through the too-cool air conditioned store, my damp hair sticky & clumpy with wet hairspray, wearing a smile. I know that one evening of showers can't undo all the drought like conditions we have going on here. I know that one rain doesn't equal a break in the weather. And I know that my dad's phone hasn't been ringing off the hook today with customers who are now ready for him to get started on their yards. But I do know that those little raindrops last night restored my hope. Maybe things in this life will never be straightened out & maybe the end of the world is breathing down our necks, but through all of it, my God is by my side & when my strength in adversity is faint & small, His has just begun. <i>I can do all things through Christ...(Philippians 4:13).</i></div>Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-11108968564903581592012-06-29T14:21:00.001-04:002012-06-29T14:21:38.241-04:00Something To Ponder<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
In my little office (that isn't really an office it's more of a break room type of area), I have a little flip calendar of inspirational sayings. It was a gift from my friend Amanda & I have flipped through it every year since I got it. There are some favorites in there that I always anticipate & then there are the other quotes that seem brand new each time I read them. <i>I blame my bad memory on a vitamin deficiency. You can claim the same excuse, if needed. </i></div>
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Anyway, I flipped the page this morning & this little gem greeted me:</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tCqYI_ynFaE/T-3rA5i7YtI/AAAAAAAAB1w/qvIxrnRY7EE/s1600/oc.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tCqYI_ynFaE/T-3rA5i7YtI/AAAAAAAAB1w/qvIxrnRY7EE/s320/oc.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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And I kind of caught my breath & furrowed my brow & blinked hard. Hours later I still have to furrow my brow & blink hard because this truth struck me hard. If there is one thing about 2012 that rings true for me, it's that I do not know where I am being led. The Lord has dragged me kicking & screaming down paths that I never, ever would have chosen. And even as I type this I know that I have brought a lot of additional heartache upon myself because of the kicking & screaming. It's hard to go to the Lord for comfort when I am stiff-arming Him & daring Him to do something else that will again shatter my illusion of control over this life. I have been challenged to examine whether or not I love & know Him. I think I thought I did. But I also think that my knowledge of Him & love for Him have been shallow & academic, at best. Yes, I have experienced God; I've seen Him work - answering prayer, providing, comforting, & sustaining. But I have also been complacent, withdrawn, & independent when I thought I had things in my life under control. And during that time I have forgotten Him - who He is & what it means to love Him & trust Him.</div>
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So, here I am again trying to sort out the twisted mess that has become my thinking. I can only ask for His help & start leaning on His guiding arm. And you know, I had better learn to lay off of the kicking & screaming. Submission is a hard lesson, but a worthy one. And the list of worthy lessons that I need to learn & apply is a long one!</div>
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<i>Here are some verses from the Psalms that have been a help to me this week. Maybe they will encourage you, too. Hopefully I'll check back here sometime & see that I've made some progress on this journey with the Lord. I guess time will tell...</i></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*I've added italics to the phrases that I really want to remember.</span></div>
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Psalm 73:23-26</div>
<div>
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-73-23" id="en-ESV-15044">Nevertheless, I am continually with
you;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-73-23"><i>you <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15044AE" title="See cross-reference AE">AE</a>)"></sup>hold
my right hand</i>.</span></span></div>
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-73-24" id="en-ESV-15045"><i>You <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15045AF" title="See cross-reference AF">AF</a>)"></sup>guide
me</i> with your counsel,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-73-24">and afterward you
will <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15045AG" title="See cross-reference AG">AG</a>)"></sup>receive
me to glory.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-73-25" id="en-ESV-15046">Whom
have I in heaven but you?</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-73-25">And there is
nothing on earth that I desire besides you.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-73-26" id="en-ESV-15047">My
flesh and my heart may fail,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-73-26">but <i>God is <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15047AJ" title="See cross-reference AJ">AJ</a>)"></sup>the
strength of my heart</i> and my <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15047AK" title="See cross-reference AK">AK</a>)"></sup>portion
<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15047AL" title="See cross-reference AL">AL</a>)"></sup>forever.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: super;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="line">
<span style="background-color: white; vertical-align: super;">Psalm 43:5 </span></div>
<div class="line">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-73-26"> <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-14572J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup>Why
are you cast down, O my soul,<br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-43-5">and why are you in
turmoil within me?</span></span><br /><sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-14572K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup><i>Hope
in God</i>; for I shall again praise him,<br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-43-5">my salvation and my
God.</span></span>
</span></span></div>
<div class="crossrefs" style="display: none;">
<strong>Cross references:</strong>
<ol type="A">
<li id="cen-ESV-14568A"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14568" title="Go to Psalm 43:1">Psalm 43:1</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="Ps.7.8,Ps.26.1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psa%207:8,%20Psa%2026:1&version=ESV">Ps. 7:8; 26:1</a></li>
<li id="cen-ESV-14568B"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14568" title="Go to Psalm 43:1">Psalm 43:1</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="1Sam.24.15" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1Sam%2024:15&version=ESV">See 1 Sam. 24:15</a></li>
<li id="cen-ESV-14568C"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14568" title="Go to Psalm 43:1">Psalm 43:1</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="Ps.5.6" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psa%205:6&version=ESV">Ps. 5:6</a></li>
<li id="cen-ESV-14569D"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14569" title="Go to Psalm 43:2">Psalm 43:2</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="Ps.31.4" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psa%2031:4&version=ESV">Ps. 31:4</a></li>
<li id="cen-ESV-14569E"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14569" title="Go to Psalm 43:2">Psalm 43:2</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="Ps.44.9" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psa%2044:9&version=ESV">See Ps. 44:9</a></li>
<li id="cen-ESV-14569F"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14569" title="Go to Psalm 43:2">Psalm 43:2</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="Ps.42.9" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psa%2042:9&version=ESV">Ps. 42:9</a></li>
<li id="cen-ESV-14570G"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14570" title="Go to Psalm 43:3">Psalm 43:3</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="Ps.40.11,Ps.57.3" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psa%2040:11,%20Psa%2057:3&version=ESV">Ps. 40:11; 57:3</a></li>
<li id="cen-ESV-14570H"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14570" title="Go to Psalm 43:3">Psalm 43:3</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="Ps.2.6,Ps.46.4" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psa%202:6,%20Psa%2046:4&version=ESV">See Ps. 2:6; 46:4</a></li>
<li id="cen-ESV-14570I"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14570" title="Go to Psalm 43:3">Psalm 43:3</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="Ps.84.1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psa%2084:1&version=ESV">Ps. 84:1</a></li>
<li id="cen-ESV-14572J"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14572" title="Go to Psalm 43:5">Psalm 43:5</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="Ps.42.5" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psa%2042:5&version=ESV">See Ps. 42:5</a></li>
<li id="cen-ESV-14572K"><a cmimpressionsent="1" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2043&version=ESV#en-ESV-14572" title="Go to Psalm 43:5">Psalm 43:5</a> : <a cmimpressionsent="1" data-bibleref="Ps.42.5,Ps.42.11" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psa%2042:5,%20Psa%2042:11&version=ESV">Ps. 42:5, 11</a></li>
</ol>
</div>
<!--end of crossrefs--><br />
<div class="line">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-73-26"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-43-5"><sup class="versenum"><br /></sup></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="line">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-73-26"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-43-5">Psalm 84:11-12</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="line">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-73-26"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-43-5">For <i>the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> God is <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15271U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)"></sup>a
sun and <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15271V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup>shield</i>;<br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-84-11">the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> bestows favor and honor.</span></span><br /><sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15271W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup>No
good thing does he withhold<br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-84-11">from those who <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-15271X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></sup>walk
uprightly.</span></span><br />O <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> of hosts,<br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-84-12"><i>blessed
is the one who trusts in you!</i></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="line">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-73-26"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-43-5"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="line">
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-73-26"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-43-5">I hope you all have a blessed weekend & if you are struggling through some things like I am, keep up the good fight of faith. And challenge me to do the same.</span></span></span></span></div>
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</div>Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-42246465178589156822012-06-22T13:46:00.001-04:002012-06-22T13:46:49.950-04:00Today...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Since I have been on the evil side of a funk lately (& let me tell you, there is no fun in funk) I think it's time for a little attitude adjustment. Nobody likes a grouch or a complainer or a crankypants. Oh, & I'm certain that it's not God's will for me to be this way. </div>
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It's time for a bit of a focus shift. I'm purposely taking my eyes off of my To Do List so that I can write this post. I am more than a little overwhelmed with things that need to be done & that is a huge part of my crankypants issues. I also still miss my mom much more than a little. I know this will never go away but I do look forward to the sharp edge dulling down just a bit. And so to put away some of my grouchy issues I'm proposing a refocus - time to think about my blessings because they are <i>many. </i>I hope you'll join me!</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5VccJB0LVf8/T-So1rg_ENI/AAAAAAAAB1k/zoE9eYrCHzY/s1600/friday.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5VccJB0LVf8/T-So1rg_ENI/AAAAAAAAB1k/zoE9eYrCHzY/s320/friday.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />::This pic is overflowing with things I'm thankful for. It's from last night when I got to meet Beth for a run. We took a lot of time to just work out & be together. It was so good to just talk & laugh & relax. We got rained on while we were running. It wasn't a lot of rain, but I'm grateful for every drop. As we were leaving to head home we saw this rainbow. A gorgeous reminder of God's faithful promise to never flood the earth. When I see a rainbow I think of that promise but I also think of the many other promises He makes & faithfully keeps. Wow. The clematis is a pic Beth sent to me from her garden. Talk about beautiful. That intense color would have made Mom squeal.<br />
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::Psalm 43:5<br />
<i>Why are you cast down, O my soul, & why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation & my God.</i><br />
I read this verse in my quiet time this morning. And it really fits where I am right now. I struggle with feeling so low & so agitated. I do feel hopeless about several things in my life. But this verse helps me remember that the valleys don't last forever. God is still with me & I will hope again & I will praise Him - I can praise Him for my salvation no matter what. My life won't always be what it is now. There is hope, even when my emotions lie to me & tell me that hope is gone. I must listen to truth, not emotion.<br />
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::As I continue reading in "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn I am so encouraged about eternity. It's incredibly comforting to learn about what the New Earth will be like. I never really anticipated Heaven before because I erroneously thought it would be completely foreign with nothing I would recognize. As I've done more study I have learned that isn't the case. The book has been a blessing.<br />
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::I'm grateful for church & times I can worship, even with tears streaming down my cheeks. This past Sunday I was not having a good day. A friend who spends most of her year in Florida came home & she was upset about Mom, missing her & another church family member who died recently. That was all it took to make me come undone. There were tears & sniffling & digging for tissues, but there was still blessing in worship. I'm even grateful for hymns about Heaven & other hymns like, "God Will Take Care of You." I break down just about every time we sing but the words go straight to my soul & remind me of my incredible Lord & all He has done for us - in this life & the next. How can that not affect me? It didn't use to; it does now, in a mighty way. And I'm grateful.<br />
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::I'm grateful for rest, & Fridays, & a weekend ahead. Yes, I'm going to run myself ragged with chores & activities & getting ready for the new week, but at least I won't punch a time clock for two days. Hopefully I get the house cleaned, the laundry caught up, & other junk like that. I'll also go on a canoeing trip with the youth group from church. I already know that canoeing will be super fun - even if there isn't much water due to our lack of rain. Just being outside is happiness to me. So I'll make my to do lists & try to plan the weekend & strive for some sort of balance. It probably won't work but I'll give it a shot & try to enjoy myself along the way!<br />
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::I'm grateful for some new running shoes. My feet have been hurting like who had it! The other running shoes I was wearing just weren't making the cut. I haven't had them for very long (maybe six months) so I just hated to spring for another pair ($96!) but it had to be done if I was going to keep running or if I was not going to destroy my feet. I picked out a new pair of Mizunos yesterday & on last night's test run they performed fabulously. My feet are happy, I'm happy.<br />
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::I'm thankful for Mike. He puts up with my moodiness like no other person who has ever known me (& he bears the brunt of it, poor guy). I know God made him just for me because any other man would have left running & screaming by now. Marriage isn't easy; it's hard work. And I'm grateful I'm with someone who is so worth the effort. <br />
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Kind of a rambling, wordy mess but it was just what I needed to think through today. What blessings are you focusing on today? It might mean I'm just a little bit nosey, but I'd love to hear all about it!<br />
<br />Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-40614005357065455342012-06-20T14:14:00.000-04:002012-06-20T14:14:28.226-04:00Instituting A New Rule<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I'm not here to bore you with another diatribe about how I'm struggling in my day to day life, working hard to keep my head above water & get just the normal daily stuff done... </div>
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I'm here to tell you about my brilliant plan to fix it all! </div>
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Hehe...not quite. But I have instituted a new rule. Recently I've been sick & tired of feeling so tired. I had been to the doctor & had a whole gamut of blood tests run (you'll have to forgive me for being a hypochondriac; considering our recent family history I just needed some peace of mind, you know?). Anyway, it turns out that I am healthy - no anemia, no Lupus, no nothing. <i>Thank God. </i>But that means nothing other than my horrible schedule & sometimes horrible eating habits could be the cause of my weariness. Hmmm. While I was mulling this over I thought through my commitments, my daily chores, my <i><u>stuff </u></i>& decided that there was one rule I <b>MUST</b> begin to follow.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I call it my 9/10 o'clock rule. And it applies to every night of the week, Sunday through Thursday. If I am away from home, at 9:00 P.M. I have to hit the road & get home. Whatever I am doing, at 10:00 P.M. I have to set it down & start getting ready for bed. Nothing in my life is so urgent or so important that it cannot wait until the next day. Whatever is in my hand at 10 o'clock is going to be put down & that is just that. The goal is to be snuggled under the covers reading or talking with Mike or just going to sleep by 10:15. That way, when the alarm goes off at 4:50 A.M. I'll be less likely to cuss & moan & cry. Hopefully I'll be rested enough to thank God for the gift of another day.</span></div>
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I've followed the rule successfully for three nights now. I have been able to get up with Mike, see him out the door, & not go back to bed. I had gotten into a frightful habit of snuggling down for another 45 minutes of sleep but it was just awful because I had to wake up again - it was like suffering through two mornings! With that extra 45 minutes I have time to get ready for work without getting hives from the hurry & I also have time to read my Bible & do some studying. <i>This is a very good thing.</i></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This morning I snuggled up under a blanket Mom gave me for Christmas<br />& read another chapter in the book I'm reading about Heaven.<br />It was just the encouragement I needed for the new day!<br />"There is not one inch in the entire area of our human life about which Christ,<br />who is sovereign of all, does not cry out, "Mine!"<br />Abraham Kuyper</td></tr>
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With my new rule in place I have discovered that I arrive at work with a calmer, more alert spirit. I hope that the greater amount of rest will help me deal with my early morning grumpies. I'm sure my coworkers share this same hope!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And my day just got better when I got to partake of these beauties!<br />Oh, how I love sweet summer fruit!</td></tr>
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And just for giggles I thought I would show you this han<span style="background-color: white;">dsome guy. I found him on our car yesterday. The pic doesn't really do him justice because this spider literally glowed a yellowish/greenish fluorescent color. And get a look at those legs! I don't know, he just looked really mean to me. *shudder*</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The only thing I don't love about summer - the bugs!</td></tr>
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<i>What are some of your little tricks to help you stay rested? Do you stay up extra late & then sleep in? Do you go to bed early & get up early? Are you a nap-taker? </i><br />
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<br /></div>Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-59727774136481857982012-06-15T13:29:00.000-04:002012-06-15T13:29:05.979-04:00An Answered Prayer *sigh*<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I got a phone call from my dad this morning. This used to be something that never happened but now happens on a fairly regular basis. I don't mind; I like talking to him - he's my <i>dad. </i>I just wish we had gotten to this place without losing Mom...</div>
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Anyway, he called to give me some news. Since Mom died we knew that we would have to sell her car. It was expensive & Dad's income has been drastically reduced. We wanted him to be able to keep the house - let's unload the car! Thus began the selling efforts. I bought a sign & we filled it out. I drove the car to work on several occasions so that it could be parked in a high traffic area. Nothing happened. We listed it on ebay. Nothing happened. We put an ad in the local paper & relisted it on ebay. Something happened.</div>
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There were two men who expressed serious interest in the car - one even went so far as to say that he would call & let Dad know when he would be there with the check! He never showed up & we definitely got no check.</div>
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The second guy was also very seriously interested right from the start. But it took him something like two whole weeks to get the deal done! He drove it. He asked to drive it again. He wasn't going in to get his loan because the loan agent he preferred to work with was on vacation, blah, blah, blah. I really didn't have much hope that things would work out with this guy; he seemed too unable to focus. I am not that kind of shopper. When I find what I want I get it bought, people!</div>
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Well today, he got it bought.</div>
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I'm so thankful that the Lord has answered this prayer & removed this burden from Dad's shoulders. He's had a lot to deal with & the list is still kind of long. Now we have one more item marked off. I hung up with him this morning & left to make a delivery for work. I have to admit that the hour long drive was a somber one & yeah, there were some tears. Over a dumb <i>car. </i>I know it's not true, but it feels like I've lost another piece of Mom. I can see her driving that car, reaching over from the driver's seat to give me a hug before she dropping me off, giggling over the heated/cooled seats, & singing along with me to some Celtic Thunder tune...such good times with such a good momma. Even though the car is gone, I will not forget those memories. And I<i> will </i>praise the Lord for this good thing He has done for us. A wise friend shared a verse with me recently:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Lord has done great things for us, and we are GLAD<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">Psalm 126:3</span></span></div>
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I'm grateful that no matter how I feel about things, God's truth is there to correct my emotions & train my thought processes. What great things has He done for you lately?</div>Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-62379770460146231212012-06-13T14:57:00.000-04:002012-06-13T14:57:30.195-04:00A Tale of Timbers & TomatoesYou know I promised you a happy post, right? Well, here it is!<br />
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Mike & I have had this little list of projects to do around our house to make it a little bit more sell-able. One of the projects was to create an off of the roadside parking area. We traded our trusty Corolla for a new Hyundai Elantra in April so we were a little more motivated to get this project done. After some time out in the yard tossing ideas around we finally came up with a plan & this Saturday afternoon (kind of on a whim) we decided to get started. We bought landscaping timbers & stacked them two deep to create a landscaping bed & the parking area. Here are some pics to take you on a little tour around our 'parking lot'.<br />
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The method we used to install the timbers is fairly simple. We laid them out & Mike had this little system to check & make sure that the corners were crossed instead of stacked & that no seams on the bottom lined up with seams on the top. Then we drilled 3 1/2" deck screws through the timbers in key spots to hold them together. Then we drilled holes at both ends of each timber for 1/2" rebar.<br />
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Rebar is available in 36" pieces so we bought a bunch of those & Mike used his grinder to cut them in half. It looks like fireworks, doesn't it? I don't know how he didn't catch on fire; perhaps it was my nonstop praying for protection?!<br />
After the rebar was cut, the fun began! We used sledge hammers to drive the rebar into the ground. We finished this part on Monday night. Mike went out there at about 8:45 & I thought he was just going to drill the rebar holes. He got motivated & decided to cut the rebar, too. Once it was cut, why not drive it in? So there we were, pounding rebar after 9:00 (I was still in my nice work clothes!). Thank the Lord for speed & Daylight Savings Time for the long twilight & we go it done!<br />
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We have the little sledge & then the 10 pound Granddaddy. I used the little guy mostly but I did use the Granddaddy a little bit, too. <i>Yeow, I need to lift some weights!</i><br />
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It's such a blessing to have this hard part of the project done. Now we just need to remove some of the grass & dirt to level things out a bit. After that's done, we will have some white rock delivered to spread out over the parking area. As far as the landscaping bed goes, we need to have some meetings with my dad on that one, since he's a landscaper & all. <br />
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What's your opinion? Does a parking area like this help to make up for no garage? Or does off the street parking not mean much & you'd rather have more yard? <br />
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And then let me tell you about this. Last year I had this crazy number of volunteer tomato plants. A couple of weeks ago I was walking around our yard with Dad & he pointed out to me that there were several tomato starts coming up right where the biggest plant had grown last year. I danced for joy. Right there in the yard. I'm not ashamed. My niece Maddie, came over last week to help me around the house because she wants a 'job'. I was more than happy to let her come because it was so fun to hang out. While she was there we transplanted all of the tomato starts to a narrow bed that runs along the east side of our house. I.am.thrilled. We have blossoms. We even have one tomato coming on already. Maddie danced for joy with me. God is so good to me. He knows how I love my tomatoes & He makes sure I can get them!Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6314837374154681298.post-16663498009898653132012-06-12T14:46:00.001-04:002012-06-12T14:46:13.901-04:00Feeling A Bit Introspective...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This week at work I have been assigned some additional training. At first I was almost excited - learning something new! Something to do! Yay! And then I got the coursework. OY.<br />
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My company has been involved with a training system for a couple of years that has courses broken down & labeled like karate belts. Apparently I finished the white belt training a long time ago (it obviously had a <i>huge</i> impact on my work). Recently my boss was told that at least two people at every location are required to have the yellow belt training. He had already completed it so I was his choice for #2. Lucky me.<br />
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The course is pages & pages of strange terms & formulas & graphs. The DMAIC cycle, Six Sigma, Fishbone Diagrams, Kaizen Events, Scatter Plots, the 5 Whys...I could go on & on. This stuff is very foreign to me. Much of it was developed by Toyota so I have let my brother (an engineer for Toyota) know that I am not impressed by their ideas at.all. Hmph. He laughed at me because he totally thinks like this. This kind of thinking is not at all my normal thought process. I'm far more ADHD & my thoughts flit like butterflies. I'm not ashamed.<br />
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But one concept did intrigue me & I even felt kind of compelled to try it. It's called the Fishbone Diagram. Basically (& believe me, I'll be basic - I don't want to bore you!), what the fishbone does is help identify all of the possible root causes of a specific problem. Sounds effective, doesn't it? <br />
For instance, say my problem is that I am freezing cold. Possible causes of this problem include:<br />
I work with all men who are totally unreasonable about thermostat settings<br />
I am outside in Alaska during a blizzard<br />
I am eating ice cream while sitting in a walk in cooler<br />
I am suffering some sort of health problem that causes me to feel cold under normal conditions<br />
I am weird<br />
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Then you take this helpful information & put it on a little graph thing that looks kind of like a fish's spine. Then you have a visual to help you analyze the cause & effect relationships. If I was super computer cool I could create one for you to see, but I'm not so I won't. <br />
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Anyway, that for instance was a little ridiculous, but hopefully you kind of understand how this thing works. The problem is, I'm too mentally lazy or unmotivated or too stunted or whatever to do that mental work. I honestly couldn't care less about applying these tools to my workplace (frankly, no one ever would listen to me if I did try). But I was thinking as I read this lesson that there are many areas of my personal life where this kind of introspection could probably be very helpful. I have a lot of problems lately; I'll admit it. I have issues with myself, issues with God, issues in relationships...you name it. Truthfully, I'm fairly certain all of this was there before Mom died but it was just squelched down out of sight. Now I'm just not capable of the squelching & I'm feeling a bit more real about my struggles. I've acknowledged them (I'm actually thinking of making a list; it's a bit more my style than the fishbone, truthfully). I know this life is a struggle & I just can't give up. I really don't know what giving up might look like so maybe I've already done it?! I hope not; I don't like feeling like a failure as a Christian, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend...I know that Proverbs says that a righteous man will fall seven times but he gets back up again. So I'm trying to get back up - AGAIN.<br />
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Some of my goals that I've been trying to keep in the forefront of my thinking include these very basic things:<br />
*Read my Bible. Ready for an ugly confession? I haven't opened my Bible of my own volition to sit down & read it since my Mom died. I'm ashamed of that but I haven't made it over this hurdle yet. That's why the texted verses & flip charts & emails have been such a blessing to me. When I've been too stubborn or whatever to seek His promises, He has brought them to me. So I've got to start reading my Bible!<br />
*Eat breakfast at home. I have been so bad about making myself get up in the morning that it has become routine for me to scarf down a cup of cereal on the way to work. It's messy, it's hurried, & it's not the kind of breakfast I even want to eat. Since I got my hair cut it's helped some (major time saver!!) but I'm still scarfing granola out of a cup & praying I don't spill.<br />
*Stop wallowing in the bad feelings. They will come & they will have to go. Somehow (probably through the accomplishment of the first goal) I have to let the Lord give me my joy back. The bad feelings just lead to bad actions like skipping runs, eating junk, complaining, spending, & who knows what all else.<br />
*Get our house back in order. Right now it's a disaster. It's always been a challenge: we have a small house filled with a lot of stuff, I tend to dramatize the situation & label it an abomination & give up when things aren't truly that bad (& when I give up<i> then </i>they get real bad), Mike is very easy going about tidiness & dust so there's no pressure from him to step it up, & so on. But the truth is that I don't feel comfortable in our own home right now & I need to do some work to change that & stop feeling all upset & angst-y about it. <b>Stop feeling & start doing.</b> <i>Maybe that should be my new mantra?</i><br />
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I really do have some happy things to write about...they'll be here soon. Until then, this is where I'm at; thanks for hanging with me & my Fishbone Diagram. <br />
<br />Mary Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06403083611514935619noreply@blogger.com1