Shopping For A New Attitude

Lately when I've thought about my job, this expression has crossed my usually smiling face.  And I feel guilty about it for a lot of reasons.  Number one, I should be grateful that the Lord provided this place for me to work.  I make a reasonable amount of money - nothing crazy good, nothing crazy bad.  I work with decent men who try really hard to respect me & my values (no dirty jokes, no dirty language, no blasting rock music).  I work a straight schedule & get a lot of paid time off each year. My job is not high stress, high pressure, demanding, or tension filled.  I'm sure you're thinking, if all of that is true...

Why the yucky face, PharmGirl?

I'll tell you why.  It's actually a combination of factors, some that have to do with my job & some that have to do with my heart.  

Let's start with my job.  Over the past year or so things have really changed.  For instance, the first part of the day is when we are the most busy.  We have two technicians at our location so I basically share my job & truthfully there just isn't enough work to share.  We check the equipment, draw up doses, run quality control tests & clean every morning for our second run.  Then we pack up the doses & send the drivers on their way.  If we have more deliveries than drivers, I get sent out the door as well.  We are usually done with this work in the lab anywhere between 8 a.m. & 9 a.m.  If I'm not heading out the door on a delivery I head to my office.  Once there I complete about ten minutes of office work & I then wait for lunch.  Then I go get my boss his lunch (since he isn't allowed to leave the premises during his shift) & we eat lunch.  Then I wait for 2:45 p.m. when I can go in the lab & pitch the drugs that weren't used that day & set up what will be needed for the next day.  We are out the door by 3 p.m.  

So you can see that unless we have a lot of add on doses for the day or we are short a driver or there is some sort of project going on, I don't have a lot of responsibilities after the first couple of hours of my workday.  This is kind of how it's always been but in the last year it's gotten a lot worse as we have shared a large portion of our business with another location.  

As a result of feeling sort of unneeded I have slipped into this attitude of not liking my job because it interrupts my life.  Who wants to be at work waiting for something to do when there are 846 things I could be doing at home?  Or for my family?  Or for my church?  

And now the heart part...truthfully, if things changed tomorrow & suddenly I had lots to do & I felt needed again & all of my complaints were answered, I'm afraid it still wouldn't be enough.  Lately I've really sensed this about myself. The Bible says "the eyes of man are never satisfied" in Proverbs 27:20b.  I've been saying lately that I feel restless...like I'm itching for a change...I need something different.  Really I think the Lord has been trying to tell me that the only difference I need in my life is to start calling things what they are - in my case, restlessness is just a more acceptable word for discontentment.  I need to stop chafing about the things that I cannot change & start trusting the Lord to be in control of those things for me.  And I need to remember to be grateful for what I have.  I need to remember that I could be working in retail pharmacy full time *shudder*  

And since I have so much dead time on my hands I think I'm going to go complete another lesson for my continuing education requirements.  It's about athlete's foot.  I've not had much success but I'm trying to work up some enthusiasm about the topic!

Just Go With It...

Since random bits of news seems to be my writing style lately, I've decided to run with it one more time (at least!).  I suppose that is the problem with having a blog just to have a blog.  I'm not a foodie.  I'm not chronicling the adventures of motherhood.  I'm not a fashionista or a craftinista.  I'm just me & lately I've been just trying to take the little bits of joy that are sprinkled through my days by my heavenly Father & take some pics of those joys & write a little blurb about them.  It's majorly disjointed but I guess that's how I live *grin*

Last Friday before I could leave for work I had to scrape the frost off of my windshield.  This winter has been so kind to us that I've only had to do this on three or four other mornings.  As I was scraping away I felt the fatigue settle into my arm.  I was thinking just as I have been thinking recently that I really need to start doing some aerobics with weights & build some more strength!  The thought had barely crossed my mind & the scraper broke right in two.  All of a sudden I didn't feel so wimpy!  

But yeah, I still really need to get those dumbbells out & dust them off...maybe this afternoon...

A week or so ago Mike's sister was looking through a box a family photos when she stumbled upon this gem:

It was taken in the August of 2002.  That's me in the front left with my sister, Beth.  Her son Caleb is the cute bugle boy.  The back row is Stew, Mike's brother, Mike, & my brother in law, Brennan.  We had all traveled down to Lake Cumberland, Kentucky for a vacation together.  We rented a cabin on a mountain & had so much fun hanging out together & going places like Dollywood (where this pic was taken).  This was way before Mike & I got together.  I just love thinking back to that time when neither of us knew what the Lord had planned for us.  How do you like our Civil War garb?!

Yesterday when Mike & I were headed out for a little shopping trip to Lowe*s (I know, do we ever shop anywhere else?) when I glanced over at our yard & thought I saw a dead animal lying there.  I told Mike we would have to check it out when we got home.  Well, we did check it out & it turned out not to be dead (much to my relief).  Our visitor was this cute little bunny & he stayed in our yard, sunning himself for quite a while.  Then I got too curious about him & wondering if he was hurt & I managed to scare him away.  He left a very cute little bunny sized impression in our grass.

And finally my last bit of photo happiness - my new burgundy scarf!  The best part about it is that I bought it at the grocery store (of all places!) on sale for only $4!  I'm loving its softness & warmth.  And I'm loving this picture taking angle because I can absolutely assure you that I am not as thin as I look here.  From now on, if you want a pic of me this is how it must be done!

Happy Monday everybody!

What 'Sup?!

Happy Friday to you, one & all!  I feel like I have been in the midst of a hurricane this past week & a half.  I've even got some pics from the midst of our storm of busyness that will give you an even better idea of what we've been up to.  Just a hint, I've learned that plumbing is not my calling in life!

Mike's parents have a home that is built on a slab instead of a foundation or crawl space.  Their house was built in 1948 & this was a popular construction method back then.  However, all of the plumbing is buried under the concrete slab - & that sucker is 4" thick!  They've been having some drain problems for a while & had consulted a plumber.  He wasn't interested in the job so Mike decided he'd tackle it.  He took a week of vacation & I ended up taking four days to help him out.  We had to rent a jack hammer for several days & I got pretty good at wielding a sledge hammer & a shovel.  We had some fabulous help from a friend of the family who came by every day after he got off work.  I was so impressed by Rick's knowledge & his work ethic.  

 Mike had to rework the path of the drain & make new connections & the whole bit.  I was confused almost the whole time until he had it all put together.  Then it made sense!  I do not have an engineering mind, for sure.

While I was busting up floor tile in one room (hence the face mask - that stuff was flying everywhere!) Mike was using the jack hammer in another room.  I continue to have a phobia of power tools (the louder the tool, the greater the fear) so I stayed away from that bad boy!
As of now, all the plumbing is hooked up & working like a dream.  We are so thankful to have it done!  All that Mike needs to do now is finish covering the lines back up.  Only one small part in the utility room will have concrete poured back over it; we got that done Monday after work.  As for the lines in the rest of the rooms, Mike is building a floor over them.  This way if there are any future problems, we won't have to bust up any more concrete.  So we have one more project winding down!  His parents were champs about the whole thing - no worries when we had their water off for hours at a time, they fed us like royalty, & not one little sniff about the absolute disaster of a mess that we made.  It was a lot of work, but it was so good to be able to help & work together.  It literally felt like the Lord led the way for us because there were several instances where we weren't sure what to do & someone was there to help & give advice.

 In the midst of the plumbing drama, Mike's sister had to go with her family to an out of town funeral.  While they were gone Mike's parents took care of Seuss, their puppy.  He's not a puppy actually.  He's over 100 pounds of sweet mutt hound dog.  I adore him.  I took him for a couple of long walks & for a little field trip to our house.  He was such a good doggie while away from home - although you could tell he missed his people!  I had to give him lots of extra hugs & ear rubs to comfort him.  I miss him this week...

While we were working on the plumbing my in-laws fed us lunch & dinner every day.  Since they couldn't really get in the kitchen & cook like normal, we had our choice of take out food at each meal.  They fed us well - pizza, subs, salads, you name it.  But when I woke up on Saturday morning & looked in our fridge I saw several things that were going to go bad if I didn't cook them up quick.  So I hauled out my stock pot & got to work!

 Yeah, I went a little vegetable soup crazy.  I jarred it all up to share & carry to work & stick in the freezer.  I've been eating some every day at lunch & it's been really good.  I can't stand salad when it's cold & this has been a great alternative because I packed this soup out with lots of veggies!

 Did you celebrate Valentine's Day?  We did but in a very low key way.  Mike got me some gorgeous roses.  They are really so very lovely & smell so, so, so good!  And I filled our M&M jar with peanut butter M&M's.  Mike was very happy about that!

 Instead of a card, I wrote out several notes about what I loved about Mike.  Then I sent him a picture of the notes, one every hour throughout his workday.  I was originally hoping to get a pretty picture frame & put a pretty piece of scrapbook paper in it to use as a dry erase board for my messages.  That presentation would have been a lot less cheesy.  However, with all the plumbing stuff & work & everything I never got to go to the store to get the supplies (hello, I haven't even grocery shopped in like 2 1/2 weeks!).  So I ended up digging through some stationary that I've had for years & I used some of it.  Super cheesy looking but that's not the important part, right?

 I love goofing around with editing pics & I discovered that I have an app that lets you layer multiple exposures.  So I layered a bunch of Mike's notes to create that weird thing up there.  It's amazing what you can accomplish when you have a few minutes on your hands!

 And in the bad news department, I had another migraine on Sunday.  It was BAD. I sat through church with my sunglasses on praying that I didn't disgrace myself by throwing up everywhere.  I went home & put myself in bed, STAT.  I took about a three hour nap & woke up feeling some better.  But as you can see, I still had a deep frown between my eyes.  While my head is hurting I cannot relax those muscles.  It's miserable.  I used the last sample of medicine that my doctor gave me last August.  It didn't help at all & I had a bit of a residual headache for several days after.  I'm off to pick up some new samples after work today.  Any other migraine suffers use Relpax?  That's what they want me to try next...we'll see!

And finally, just some thoughts I've been ruminating on lately...anybody else feeling the itch for a change?  I don't know if I can blame my restlessness on spring fever.  We haven't hardly had a winter.  That's a little snap of my winter coat up there.  I love it's happy plaid.  And I don't know that I feel ready to change in my plaid coat & dark jeans for tank tops & flip flops.  I just feel itchy for something different...perhaps I'm just trying to justify some discontent.  That's probably what it is.  And I've been a little discouraged because I haven't been really enjoying major success when it comes to my goals.  I have majorly slipped on working out.  While I was sledging & digging I was really reminded that I need to keep my body strong so that I can be a help when jobs like that come along.  I don't want to have to say I can't lift that or I'm not strong enough to move that or whatever the thing may be.  So I've decided that the change I'm itching to see is one that needs to happen in my heart & in my attitude.  I'm praying for the Lord to renew my energy, renew my discipline, & get me thinking right so I can start doing right!

If you made it all the way through this rambling, disjointed post you get a major high five from me!  I hope you all have super fun weekends!

Random Randomness...

 Get ready because this post is going to cover some major bases...I'm feeling kind of scattered today (not in a bad way, just in a bit of an ADHD kind of way) so I've got some random stuff to share.
First off, once upon a time I phone-dated a guy affectionately referred to as Oklahoma Steve (because he was from Oklahoma & his name was Steve).  Anyway, he was a nice guy for the most part but he seriously overused the word 'random'.  After we had our final hangup (those stinky eharmony experiences!) I banned 'random' from my vocabulary because I was so tired of it.  I should have sent him a thesaurus as a parting gift...
Anyway, I'm all healed up from that bad experience & I now use the word 'random' freely!  Just not nearly as freely as OK Steve.

In Fashion News, I recently visited 0ld Navy & acquired this fabulous infinity scarf!  I *heart* it.  It keeps me warm & entertained trying to figure out how many ways I can twist it around me without strangling myself.  I wore it with several long sleeved T's (had to layer for warmth!).  It was a pain trying to get them all on & the sleeves all down smooth.  I've decided that maybe I just need to get a coordinating sweater rather than go through that rigmarole again (picture lots of tugging, twisting, spinning, & muttering).

In Yes-I'm-Strange-But-You-Are-Too News, whenever I chew whitening gum, I seem to end up with it smooshed across my front teeth like this.  I guess subconsciously I'm worried that my coffee habit is ruining my front teeth.  And don't you think it would just work better if it had direct contact for at least a couple of minutes?  You know you do it, too!

In Cooking News, last week I tried out one of my Christmas gifts from Mom & Dad.  It's a cast iron grill pan.  I had marinated some chicken breasts & I was ready to indoor grill!

About halfway into the process I realized that perhaps I should have done some trimming & pounding of the chicken breasts before I marinated them.  They were getting all nice & grill-marked on the outside but they were not cooked through.  I got my skillet out & smooshed them a bit to see if it would help.

Eventually they got done & I was so glad to quit indoor grilling because by this point all of the drippings had blackened on the bottom of the skillet & it was feeling kind of smokey in our house.  I went to a ladies' meeting at church that evening & my sister said that she thought the church smelled like food - had someone eaten dinner there?  That's when we realized it was the smell of that crazy chicken in my hair & on my clothes.  I burned four candles for two days straight to get that smell outta the house.  Here's hoping I do a little better next time!

In iPhone App News, Mike has this fun app that takes panoramic photos.  Here's our living room & dining room.  Cool, huh?

In Flower News, my grandpa can make anything grow & bloom.  It's official.  Look at this lovely Gerber Daisy blooming totally out of season.  It's adds quite a bit of cheer to their front room window.

In Yippie-Ki-Yi-Yay News, I'm staring down the barrel of a three day weekend!  Not that we have any plans to party, but I took Monday off from work as a Super Bowl Recovery Day.  I may not even watch the game.  This is just a tradition we started last year to give us a little break since New Year's & the next official paid holiday of Memorial Day are five months apart.  It's our Winter Mental Health Break.  Judging by the randomness of this post & my acknowledged ADHD scatterbrainedness, I think a day off is just what I need!  Have a great weekend everyone!

Second Monday Strikes Again...

Happy Thursday!  I don't know about your neck of the woods, but around here & I think pretty far & wide across the Midwest there is nothing going on but lots & lots of FOG.

  

I had to do about 3 1/2 hours of driving with this as my view this morning.  Have you ever had that I'm-such-a-dork-when-will-I-ever-learn kind of feeling?  It hit me hard this morning.  I drove to work in the fog thinking about how tired I was & how today really felt like a second Monday & really kind of hoping that I wouldn't have to do any driving today because of issues I knew I would have staying awake.  I pulled into the parking lot & quickly realized that  a coworker's vehicle wasn't there.  A driver calling in sick usually means miles for this chica.  This tired chica who was suddenly overwhelmed with the aforementioned feeling of when-will-I-ever-learn?  You see, last night when I got home from church I should have started heading to bed right away.  I should have gotten myself all cozied up, ready for sleep, & tucked in tight.  Instead, I turned on the TV.  And promptly got sucked into a movie that was just starting (at 10 o'clock!) & I kept watching it until after 11:30.  Then I crawled my miserable self to bed & couldn't sleep because I was so mad at the storyline in the movie that I don't even know the name of because I missed the very beginning.  What a waste of my life & sleeping time! For those of you who would love to sleep & for some reason (insomnia, small children, etc.) cannot, I apologize from the bottom of my heart & ask for your forgiveness.  You're probably mad at me for squandering my uninterrupted sleep time when that is just about the only thing in the world that you want.  I would like to say that it will never happen again, but...

Anyway, I did a lot of driving this morning wrapped up in a gauzy white cottony blanket of fog.  And it would have been utterly miserable if I hadn't had a cell phone.  I don't normally talk & drive because sometimes I just need the quiet for my mind or I just enjoy listening to music.  But today I was able to call a friend that's really been heavy on my heart recently.  We had a major chat fest, catching up & encouraging one another.  I was so blessed because now I feel like my prayers for her can be so much more specific & it was just good for my heart to hear her voice.

So I'm thankful for the fog today.  I'm also thankful that today's weather event is nothing like the weather event we had going on this day last year - we were buried under an inch or so of ice.  I called in to work & we were huddled in at home hoping we didn't lose power.  I'll take fog over that mess any day!

A January Review

I'm not sure how you all feel, but I am really excited to see all the days of January marked off with an 'x'.  This winter has been super mild & quite lovely really, but I am ready for warm, sunshiny spring days.  

And since it is February 1st, I thought I would follow the example of my fellow bloggers Carrie & Mrs. T, & give myself a little review on my 12 goals for 2012!

One of my goals is to do the whole physical fitness thing (& use my money jar as motivation - I earned $8.50 which = roughly 8 1/2 hours of exercise).  The first 2/3 of the month I was really frustrated because of my sprained/separated/cracked/whatever'd ribs.  I wasn't supposed to do anything physical that caused any pain so for a couple of weeks all I did was my bare bones household chores.  Let me tell you, I never thought I would miss working out, but I really did!  And just in case you don't believe the experts, believe me - I didn't sleep well, I was moody, I was achy, & I was just uncomfortable with myself.  Exercise must be good for us!  Anyway, the last week or so I've felt much better & the Lord has blessed us with such mild weather that I've been able to be outside for some walking & even a little running.  I took this pic on one of my walks; this is, I think, maybe my favoritest tree in the world.  I love how it seems to make a little platform for anyone who wants to crawl up & watch the world go by.  Someday I should do that...

And just a little side note, I posted that pic on instagram & got my first round of ten 'likes'!  Kind of silly, but it means something to me to make friends with others in online forums like the blogging world, instagram, & even facebook.  I like people *grin*

Another goal I made some progress with is working on my red quilt.  This past Sunday I got the last part of the top sewn on.  I had decided that it needed a border around it.  Let me tell you, measuring & cutting with accuracy is where I really struggle with this kind of project.  The only place I could lay the entire quilt top out was in the middle of our living room floor.  I spent a lot of time crawling around, measuring, cutting, pinning, adjusting, worrying, studying & messing with that thing!  And this isn't a great pic but you can see that the border is now on!  The next step is to get the backing & batting basted onto the top.  I'm a little nervous about that whole process...

As far as some of my other goals:
*the Lord continues to show my daily that I have a tremendous need to truly learn obedience.  When I first started this lesson I thought that the only real thing that held me back from fully obeying was most often fear. And that's a biggie but I'm also learning that I am a slave to my own pride, selfishness, & laziness.  It's not been pretty a time or two & I've battled it out with the Holy Spirit, my will, & some tears.  I don't think it's going to get easier but the blessing of having my heart in peace with His is well worth it.
*I've made some (but not near enough!) progress with continuing to read my Bible through chronologically.  I've got to get into a better routine of going to bed earlier & staying awake after Mike leaves for work.  This is truly the best time of day for me to get my quiet time in.
*I started my early Christmas endeavor by posting a request for recommended etsy shops.  I didn't have much feedback, but a couple of resources were mentioned & I will check them out!
*Garden planning talk continues.  My brother in law has agreed to bring his tiller & bust up the ground for me.  We have determined that we should be able to grow tomatoes, green beans, zucchini, & basil.  This just might be enough for our first garden.
*I have not been reading enough (mostly because I've been working puzzles!).  I have totally let my nerdy side take over & jigsaw puzzling has been strangely entertaining in a calm way.  But I have taken note of some recommended titles & a trip to the library is on next week's radar.
*I have also not done very well cutting back on screen time.  Sometimes I just need to put my phone down, set a timer, & not let myself pick it back up until the timer dings.  Might just try that tonight...
*I have been blogging more.  I hope somebody is enjoying it :-)
*We were able to open our home up to share some hospitality this last month.  We had company for dinner twice & I have to say, I just love doing it!  It can be a lot of work to fix a meal & I'm not super skilled at getting it all smoothly to the table so I get kind of red-faced & clumsy, but it's still so much fun.  This next month we already have a get together planned & I'm dreaming of menus & a pretty tablescape *grin*

Oh, & this has nothing to do with my 2012 goals; it's actually kind of a leftover goal from last year.  My hair is continuing to grow...slowly, yes.  I went to get it 'did' yesterday & I couldn't resist a before/after pic.  I was kind of mulling over the idea of making a dramatic change or two when I finally have hair long enough to donate.  I was thinking I would go super short & quit coloring my hair.  You see that pic on the left?  That's how much gray I have in my front hairline six weeks after a dye job (I know it looks like I'm kind of bald, but that's just the gray, I promise).  I just don't know if I'm brave enough to do it.  What do you think?  What would you do?

I hope you all are swimming along with your goals, dreams, ambitions, & hopes for 2012!  Feel free to share in the comments & let me know how you are!