Hiya!

The days have been a little crazy lately & I've been hiding out, living life & thinking on some things that will come in later posts...but for now, here's some snaps to show you a bit of what's been going on!

Mike & I celebrated three years of marriage.
God is so good.
There is no other man on earth for me.

Drives for my job have taken me past this building several times.
I wish I worked in a building that had flowers cascading over it.
Such beauty.

Other drives for work had me commuting to the Big City for a week.
I'm glad, glad, glad that it's over.
Interstate highways & construction just don't mix well.

We've been eating good stuff like this southern Indiana grown melon from The Big Peach.
Thanks, Dad!

And this is the grand sum total of our harvest (so far!) of our
14 tomato plants.  Yep, 14 plants & 2 tomatoes.
Summer isn't over yet!

I've driven to work under skies this brilliant...

& ended the day on our front porch gazing at skies this full of fire.

We've been getting some projects done...

like this cedar 'house' for our lawn mower & some tools.
I'm crazy happy that we no longer have a lawn mower on our front porch!

I'm also crazy happy about this pull out shelf system we installed in
my one big kitchen cabinet.  I had been saving my Discover card cash-back
rewards to purchase a Lowe's gift card.  After the giftcard this shelving
system only cost us $17!  $100 was covered by Discover.
I.Love.That.

We've had a couple of rainy moments...but no rainy days.
The drought of 2012 drags on, trying, building, & stretching
the faith of so many of us.

They predicted rain for today.  We got about three minutes of
downpour this morning but nothing else so far.
Will it or won't it?
Only God knows.

And I've had short hair for more than six weeks already!
I went in last week for my first trim.
I still love it.
And I'm still shocked when the gas station clerk or the clothing store
clerk stop me & ask, didn't you used to have longer hair?
How do they remember me?
Kinda scary...sorta sweet...another reminder to be a bright light for Christ.

And that's the news from our corner of the world! 

Going For The Gold!

If you know me at all, you know that I'm not really competitive.  I don't know if it's a self-defense mechanism because I'm not super good at much of anything or what.  When it comes to contests/games/whatever, I just usually don't get too much of a fire under my hiney, if you know what I mean.  But every once in a while something hits me just right & it.is.on.  Like Donkey Kong.

It's county fair time around here.  The 4-Her's have really got it going on this year.  My niece Maddie has something like 19 projects on display, including her two pigs, Christmas & Bob.  My nephew Caleb has nine or ten, including his two pigs, Paco & Porky.  Say that ten times fast, Paco & Porky, Paco & Porky, Taco & Torky...it's not easy!


Anyway, I'm not one of those adults who gets their craftiness together & exhibits at the fair.  My sister did this year though & her stuff was fabulous - a violet, some blackberries, a wreath she made - all beautiful & blue ribbon worthy.

The thing that tripped my trigger this year is a little King Arthur Flour sponsored brownie making contest.  I kind of waited to the last minute to get some inspiration together for what I wanted to make but I think I came up with a fairly good idea - Coffee Infused Brownies with Hazelnut Streusel Topping.  I was thinking that coffee & chocolate go together fabulously & that the best coffee has some hazelnut going on.  I wanted to stay away from the whole peanut butter or cream cheese or oreo or nutella influences.  I figured that I needed to be a little more creative.

I searched online for a basic brownie recipe & then I tweaked it to make it a little more intense.  Here's the recipe with my tweaks:

1 cup butter
1 cup cocoa
2 cups sugar
1 T hot water
2 T instant coffee
4 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
1 cup flour
1/2 tsp. salt

Then I made up this streusel topping (it's pretty basic):

1 cup hazelnuts, chopped
scant 1/4 cup flour
1/4 cup raw sugar
1 T cocoa
4 T butter

Heat the oven to 350 degrees.  Line a 9x13" pan with foil & grease lightly.  In a large mixing bowl, melt butter.  Add cocoa & blend well.  Add sugar & mix well.  Dissolve coffee in hot water.  Pour into cocoa mixture & mix well.  Add eggs one at a time & beat in well by hand.  Stir in vanilla, flour, & salt.  Pour into the baking dish & spread out evenly.

To prepare the streusel, place hazelnuts in a food processor & process until chopped well.  Pour hazelnuts into mixing bowl & add flour, raw sugar, & cocoa.  Mix well.  Using a pastry blender or two knives, cut in butter until you have pea-sized pieces.  Spread over brownies.

Bake for 30-35 minutes.  Cool & enjoy!

These are seriously pretty good (not that I'm prejudiced toward myself or anything!).  Rich, chocolatey, coffee-infused, crunchy hazelnuts, & yum...I'm seriously going to win.

Actually, probably not but that's all right.  They were super fun to make & share.  So make some, share some, & have some fun this weekend!

Introducing the 'Cherry Bird!'

I'm having some focus issues today; please tell me that I'm not the only one.

Recently here at work things have been kind of slow. By slow I mean we only dispensed 8 doses today.  And that type of slow translates into hours of trying to keep busy day after day while wondering if I will be employed next week or next month.  It's a bit sad really.  When we first started working here my boss & I made jokes about whether we could stand working together for the next thirty years or so since we are close to the same age & that time frame would get us to retirement.  Almost ten years in, we can't make jokes about it anymore.  I've hesitated about saying anything on here regarding the situation because all I can do at this point is speculate.  And with these long slow days, I've got plenty of time to speculate!  

I've been trying not to dwell on the 'what ifs' & 'maybes' & 'if onlys' & 'I wishes' & all of those other unproductive thought patterns.  And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I know I struggled with these things before Mom's death but it's much harder now.  That's no excuse; it's just the reality I'm dealing with.  The work still has to be done to try to align my thoughts & thinking patterns with God's.  And He'll help me do it - if I'm willing & we all know that is the tricky part.

So while I've been here at work today I have tried to occupy myself with some grateful/joyful/happy thoughts that have nothing whatsoever to do with loss/grief/worry/anxiety/fearofimpendingdoom.  

And the best part of my day so far...the Cherry Bird!

I know this pic isn't the best, but if you could see this
thing in real life you would holler, "Cherry Bird!!"

I hope that your day & your weekend is full of Cherry Bird goodness!

Holiday Hangover!

I've mentioned before that Thursdays feel like the second Monday & man!  This week that is especially true!  I've got holiday hangover big time - so sleepy & tired!  I feel like I have just been bounced back from the cruelest short little weekend.  But, thankfully that isn't truly the case & I only have about 10 work hours left before I get a real weekend!  Yeehaw!

I had a super nice Independence Day (I hope you did, too!).  I got up early & met Beth for a run.  I struggled through the heat & some foot pain (dumb bone spur!!).  We managed to put in three miles running & just over a mile walking.  Can I just say that even though it is a bit of physical torture, spending that time with my sister is just the best. After we got done I took my sweaty self home to get cleaned up & do my 4th of July party cooking!  I finally made one of my pinterest recipes, quinoa salad with black beans, avocado, and cumin-lime dressing.  It was super good, if I do say so myself.

Source

We got loaded up & headed over to Mike's sister's house.  It's where I've spent the 4th of July since Mike & I have been together.  It's Independence Day but it's also my father in law's birthday & we have to celebrate!  Gwen & Jason have a pool so we all want to be there enjoying the water, especially since it's been so hot.  Interestingly enough, I didn't struggle too much with missing Mom yesterday.  I think it's because I had already gotten used to not celebrating with her.  I did wish I could have called & had a little chat with her while cooking.  And sadly, I never made connections with Dad.  He worked & then he went to a party at Beth's house & we just missed each other.  I've got some blueberry muffins for him so I'll have to pop by tonight & see him for sure.

Some of Gwen's garden treasures...

Independence Day, for so many of us, is a time to see our family & friends, fire up the grill, jump in the pool, eat watermelon, light fireworks & just enjoy a day of being together.  Just like every other holiday it can become so easy to forget why we have gathered, why we have been given a day off from work & our normal responsibilities.  During the party yesterday I checked my facebook & instagram feeds a time or two & truly enjoyed the posts from friends that recalled my mind to the true purpose of the day.  One of my IG friends posted a pic with this quote:
The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America.  I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival.  It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty.  It ought to be solemnized with pomp & parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, & illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.
~John Adams to his beloved Abigail
I think John had the right idea.
God bless America, land that I love...

Strengthening Rain

Can I let you in on a little secret?  Every time I sit down to write here I feel like my thoughts should be much more organized.  It's a wonder any of my posts make sense...if you could see the mess whirling around in my head right now - yikes!  Sometimes it keeps me from writing; I second guess myself & say that surely someone else has written about that exact same thought & surely they have expressed it much more effectively than I ever could...but, some days I get over myself & actually put fingers to keyboard.  Because some things just boil up inside of me until they are let out.  Such is the case today.

The past I don't know how long, week or so, I have really struggled with the lack of rain & the unrelenting heat.  I don't mind a hot day; usually I enjoy the heat much more than other folks.  But the weather we have had this summer is unusual & that's nothing you don't already know.  And the heat is exhausting.  And the lack of rain has left me unsettled, too. I've actually fought some anxiety over it.  

It goes a little deeper for me than just being concerned about my tomato plants.  My dad is a landscaper.  In weather like this his work dries up just like the leaves & the grass.  Most years this would be troubling because he would be bored & their finances would be a little tight.  This year, the first year without my mom, in my estimation it's much more devastating.  As I put my watchful eye on my dad my chest tightens with concern.  And I know that in my mind I am making the situation worse than it probably is, but I worry - long lonely evenings were bad enough before but what if his days become long & lonely & empty, too?  What if I have to see my dad even more broken, unable even to work though he wants to?  So I cry & worry & try to come up with solutions & I pray, begging for rain, begging for a break in the weather.  And then I called dad & asked if he could please help us with our yard?  Tackle some weeds & let me pay him.  He agrees to tackle the weeds but we are still debating the pay.

He came over yesterday driving his big blue truck loaded down with his various weed dealing tools.  He walked the yard digging & spraying & reassuring me that we could make something lovely out of the mess we have - providing we get some rain.  And I watched him work & we both sweat through our clothes & my despair just mounted.  The lack of rain & the heat & the continued struggles in my heart & in our family to just cope & keep living...it all makes me feel somehow like the end of the world is bearing down upon us.

Dad finished up his work & we chatted for a few minutes & I wanted to ask him to stay for supper but I didn't have a plan for what we would eat or even when.  I asked him anyway but he declined like I sort of knew he would.  He left with a wave out the window & Mike sat with me on the front steps while I quietly cried out my despair on his strong shoulder.  He comforted me with his silence - there were no words of impatience or correction, just a deep understanding of my weak faith because after all, there is not one of us who hasn't had some struggle like this.  

Eventually we get up & go into the cool house, have some supper, & move about our evening activities.  I was in the kitchen starting a batch of muffins.  He was in the living room finishing his supper.  I glanced out the window & saw RAIN.  At first I was confused because the sky was still bright blue but it was in fact raining.  I squealed & I hollered & I ran into the living room & out the front door right into the cool shower. I let it dot my shirt & make my toes slippery in my flip flops before I came back to the porch & Mike took some pics with his phone.  Lovely, beautiful, wet, cool rain - what a gift, what an answer to prayer, what a balm for my vexed soul.  

The shower didn't last long - maybe five minutes but it was followed later by a thunderstorm that hailed on our new car & left me sopping wet while grocery shopping.  But I pushed my cart through the too-cool air conditioned store, my damp hair sticky & clumpy with wet hairspray, wearing a smile.  I know that one evening of showers can't undo all the drought like conditions we have going on here.  I know that one rain doesn't equal a break in the weather.  And I know that my dad's phone hasn't been ringing off the hook today with customers who are now ready for him to get started on their yards.  But I do know that those little raindrops last night restored my hope.  Maybe things in this life will never be straightened out & maybe the end of the world is breathing down our necks, but through all of it, my God is by my side & when my strength in adversity is faint & small, His has just begun.  I can do all things through Christ...(Philippians 4:13).

Something To Ponder

In my little office (that isn't really an office it's more of a break room type of area), I have a little flip calendar of inspirational sayings.  It was a gift from my friend Amanda & I have flipped through it every year since I got it.  There are some favorites in there that I always anticipate & then there are the other quotes that seem brand new each time I read them.  I blame my bad memory on a vitamin deficiency.  You can claim the same excuse, if needed.  

Anyway, I flipped the page this morning & this little gem greeted me:

And I kind of caught my breath & furrowed my brow & blinked hard.  Hours later I still have to furrow my brow & blink hard because this truth struck me hard.  If there is one thing about 2012 that rings true for me, it's that I do not know where I am being led.  The Lord has dragged me kicking & screaming down paths that I never, ever would have chosen.  And even as I type this I know that I have brought a lot of additional heartache upon myself because of the kicking & screaming.  It's hard to go to the Lord for comfort when I am stiff-arming Him & daring Him to do something else that will again shatter my illusion of control over this life. I have been challenged to examine whether or not I love & know Him.  I think I thought I did.  But I also think that my knowledge of Him & love for Him have been shallow & academic, at best.  Yes, I have experienced God; I've seen Him work - answering prayer, providing, comforting, & sustaining.  But I have also been complacent, withdrawn, & independent when I thought I had things in my life under control.  And during that time I have forgotten Him - who He is & what it means to love Him & trust Him.

So, here I am again trying to sort out the twisted mess that has become my thinking.  I can only ask for His help & start leaning on His guiding arm.  And you know, I had better learn to lay off of the kicking & screaming.  Submission is a hard lesson, but a worthy one.  And the list of worthy lessons that I need to learn & apply is a long one!

Here are some verses from the Psalms that have been a help to me this week.  Maybe they will encourage you, too.  Hopefully I'll check back here sometime & see that I've made some progress on this journey with the Lord.  I guess time will tell...

*I've added italics to the phrases that I really want to remember.

Psalm 73:23-26

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 43:5 

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.

Cross references:

1. Psalm 43:1 : Ps. 7:8; 26:1
2. Psalm 43:1 : See 1 Sam. 24:15
3. Psalm 43:1 : Ps. 5:6
4. Psalm 43:2 : Ps. 31:4
5. Psalm 43:2 : See Ps. 44:9
6. Psalm 43:2 : Ps. 42:9
7. Psalm 43:3 : Ps. 40:11; 57:3
8. Psalm 43:3 : See Ps. 2:6; 46:4
9. Psalm 43:3 : Ps. 84:1
10. Psalm 43:5 : See Ps. 42:5
11. Psalm 43:5 : Ps. 42:5, 11

Psalm 84:11-12

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you!

I hope you all have a blessed weekend & if you are struggling through some things like I am, keep up the good fight of faith.  And challenge me to do the same.

Today...

Since I have been on the evil side of a funk lately (& let me tell you, there is no fun in funk) I think it's time for a little attitude adjustment.  Nobody likes a grouch or a complainer or a crankypants.  Oh, & I'm certain that it's not God's will for me to be this way.  

It's time for a bit of a focus shift.  I'm purposely taking my eyes off of my To Do List so that I can write this post.  I am more than a little overwhelmed with things that need to be done & that is a huge part of my crankypants issues.  I also still miss my mom much more than a little.  I know this will never go away but I do look forward to the sharp edge dulling down just a bit.  And so to put away some of my grouchy issues I'm proposing a refocus - time to think about my blessings because they are many.  I hope you'll join me!

::This pic is overflowing with things I'm thankful for.  It's from last night when I got to meet Beth for a run.  We took a lot of time to just work out & be together.  It was so good to just talk & laugh & relax.  We got rained on while we were running.  It wasn't a lot of rain, but I'm grateful for every drop.  As we were leaving to head home we saw this rainbow.  A gorgeous reminder of God's faithful promise to never flood the earth. When I see a rainbow I think of that promise but I also think of the many other promises He makes & faithfully keeps.  Wow.  The clematis is a pic Beth sent to me from her garden.  Talk about beautiful.  That intense color would have made Mom squeal.

::Psalm 43:5
Why are you cast down, O my soul, & why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation & my God.
I read this verse in my quiet time this morning.  And it really fits where I am right now.  I struggle with feeling so low & so agitated.  I do feel hopeless about several things in my life.  But this verse helps me remember that the valleys don't last forever.  God is still with me & I will hope again & I will praise Him - I can praise Him for my salvation no matter what.  My life won't always be what it is now.  There is hope, even when my emotions lie to me & tell me that hope is gone.  I must listen to truth, not emotion.

::As I continue reading in "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn I am so encouraged about eternity.  It's incredibly comforting to learn about what the New Earth will be like.  I never really anticipated Heaven before because I erroneously thought it would be completely foreign with nothing I would recognize.  As I've done more study I have learned that isn't the case.  The book has been a blessing.

::I'm grateful for church & times I can worship, even with tears streaming down my cheeks.  This past Sunday I was not having a good day.  A friend who spends most of her year in Florida came home & she was upset about Mom, missing her & another church family member who died recently.  That was all it took to make me come undone.  There were tears & sniffling & digging for tissues, but there was still blessing in worship.  I'm even grateful for hymns about Heaven & other hymns like, "God Will Take Care of You."  I break down just about every time we sing but the words go straight to my soul & remind me of my incredible Lord & all He has done for us - in this life & the next.  How can that not affect me?  It didn't use to; it does now, in a mighty way.  And I'm grateful.

::I'm grateful for rest, & Fridays, & a weekend ahead.  Yes, I'm going to run myself ragged with chores & activities & getting ready for the new week, but at least I won't punch a time clock for two days.  Hopefully I get the house cleaned, the laundry caught up, & other junk like that.  I'll also go on a canoeing trip with the youth group from church.  I already know that canoeing will be super fun - even if there isn't much water due to our lack of rain.  Just being outside is happiness to me.  So I'll make my to do lists & try to plan the weekend & strive for some sort of balance.  It probably won't work but I'll give it a shot & try to enjoy myself along the way!

::I'm grateful for some new running shoes.  My feet have been hurting like who had it!  The other running shoes I was wearing just weren't making the cut.  I haven't had them for very long (maybe six months) so I just hated to spring for another pair ($96!) but it had to be done if I was going to keep running or if I was not going to destroy my feet.  I picked out a new pair of Mizunos yesterday & on last night's test run they performed fabulously.  My feet are happy, I'm happy.

::I'm thankful for Mike.  He puts up with my moodiness like no other person who has ever known me (& he bears the brunt of it, poor guy).  I know God made him just for me because any other man would have left running & screaming by now.  Marriage isn't easy; it's hard work.  And I'm grateful I'm with someone who is so worth the effort.

Kind of a rambling, wordy mess but it was just what I needed to think through today.  What blessings are you focusing on today?  It might mean I'm just a little bit nosey, but I'd love to hear all about it!