Shopping For A New Attitude

Lately when I've thought about my job, this expression has crossed my usually smiling face.  And I feel guilty about it for a lot of reasons.  Number one, I should be grateful that the Lord provided this place for me to work.  I make a reasonable amount of money - nothing crazy good, nothing crazy bad.  I work with decent men who try really hard to respect me & my values (no dirty jokes, no dirty language, no blasting rock music).  I work a straight schedule & get a lot of paid time off each year. My job is not high stress, high pressure, demanding, or tension filled.  I'm sure you're thinking, if all of that is true...

Why the yucky face, PharmGirl?

I'll tell you why.  It's actually a combination of factors, some that have to do with my job & some that have to do with my heart.  

Let's start with my job.  Over the past year or so things have really changed.  For instance, the first part of the day is when we are the most busy.  We have two technicians at our location so I basically share my job & truthfully there just isn't enough work to share.  We check the equipment, draw up doses, run quality control tests & clean every morning for our second run.  Then we pack up the doses & send the drivers on their way.  If we have more deliveries than drivers, I get sent out the door as well.  We are usually done with this work in the lab anywhere between 8 a.m. & 9 a.m.  If I'm not heading out the door on a delivery I head to my office.  Once there I complete about ten minutes of office work & I then wait for lunch.  Then I go get my boss his lunch (since he isn't allowed to leave the premises during his shift) & we eat lunch.  Then I wait for 2:45 p.m. when I can go in the lab & pitch the drugs that weren't used that day & set up what will be needed for the next day.  We are out the door by 3 p.m.  

So you can see that unless we have a lot of add on doses for the day or we are short a driver or there is some sort of project going on, I don't have a lot of responsibilities after the first couple of hours of my workday.  This is kind of how it's always been but in the last year it's gotten a lot worse as we have shared a large portion of our business with another location.  

As a result of feeling sort of unneeded I have slipped into this attitude of not liking my job because it interrupts my life.  Who wants to be at work waiting for something to do when there are 846 things I could be doing at home?  Or for my family?  Or for my church?  

And now the heart part...truthfully, if things changed tomorrow & suddenly I had lots to do & I felt needed again & all of my complaints were answered, I'm afraid it still wouldn't be enough.  Lately I've really sensed this about myself. The Bible says "the eyes of man are never satisfied" in Proverbs 27:20b.  I've been saying lately that I feel restless...like I'm itching for a change...I need something different.  Really I think the Lord has been trying to tell me that the only difference I need in my life is to start calling things what they are - in my case, restlessness is just a more acceptable word for discontentment.  I need to stop chafing about the things that I cannot change & start trusting the Lord to be in control of those things for me.  And I need to remember to be grateful for what I have.  I need to remember that I could be working in retail pharmacy full time *shudder*  

And since I have so much dead time on my hands I think I'm going to go complete another lesson for my continuing education requirements.  It's about athlete's foot.  I've not had much success but I'm trying to work up some enthusiasm about the topic!