Part of me is very confused over my sadness with my job loss. I've been unsatisfied with my job in many ways over the past couple of years. There have been big issues (not enough work to do) & little discomforts (the early shift, the many miles driving, the cold air conditioning running all.year.round, sharing a bathroom with six men), so one would think that I would more readily embrace this change. And it wasn't a surprise. There had been concerns that led to suspicions which led to rumors which finally lead to the actual announcement - the doors are closing. In two days. Wow. And the unexpected sadness of losing my job has settled into my soul, right next to the lingering sadness from saying goodbye to Mom. As I've been stripped of them both, I realize how much security & sense of who I was & what I was worth as a person came from that relationship with Mom & my job here at Cardinal Health. I know that is not how the Lord wants me to define myself & it's not how He wants me to claim my security. He should hold that place in my heart & life. And only as He strips them away from me do I realize how He has been displaced. Many lessons to be pondering as I pack it up & prepare to hang up my lab coat for the last time...in two more days.
In between the packing of my personal things & the packing of the impersonal things of the lab - syringes, paperwork, tools, & other odds & ends not necessary for our final two days...in between all of this busy activity I have let my mind drift over promises I know that I need to cling to now. Otherwise, next week when there is no job to go to I will just stay in bed & mourn. Mourn this year full of challenges & difficulties. Mourn my losses & pain. I don't want to do that. I want to learn to rejoice in my times of suffering. I want to learn to offer the sacrifice of my praise. I want to learn to lean hard into the One who cannot be moved.
If I don't learn these things, then what has all of this been endured for?
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all the day long.
Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing
Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things
and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ
and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own
that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ,
the righteousness from God that depends on faith—
that I may know him and the power of his resurrection,
and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
till the storms of destruction pass by.
I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.
Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God,
that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.
Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have,
for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.
For the mountains may depart
and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.