Thursday, October 13, 2011

Am I Getting Old?

I think I might be getting old.  Yeah, I know, I know, I'm getting older every day - there's no escape.  And don't get me wrong, no matter how much gray hair it might bring me, I'm grateful for every new day the Lord gives.

But today I'm wondering if I'm getting old.  To me, getting old is more of a shift in mindset.  It's not just that sinking feeling you get when you realize that five or less hours of sleep a night just isn't going to cut it anymore.  Hmmm...

It's waking up on a day like today - chilly & rainy - & realizing that I'm moving kind of stiff-like.  I would prefer to blame it on the intense workout dvd I did yesterday but I'm just not so sure.

And it's having weird thoughts cross your mind.  Thoughts like, "I'm turning 35 next year.  Maybe I should jot down some sort of Bucket List."  No, I've never seen the movie.  It's always seemed kind of depressing to me & seriously, why would I want more depressing in my life?  Give me a comedy people, just a comedy.

And then there was the real kicker.  The other day Mike & I had a conversation that went a little bit like this:
Me: Well, maybe someday we can do such-and-so.  Maybe we'll have more free time & more disposable income & we can pull it off.
Mike: Yeah, we can always try to plan for it.  It's not the end of the world if it doesn't happen.
Me: And until then, talking about it is really almost as good as being able to do it. 

At this moment I can't even remember exactly what we were talking about.  I think it had something to do with quitting our jobs & going after some kind of self-employment dream.  The part that really makes me feel like an old fogey is the "talking about it is really almost as good as being able to do it."  I actually said those words.

Like talking about skydiving could compare with an actual leap from a plane at however many thousands of feet?
Like talking about writing a book could compare with sitting in front of the computer for hours & hours pouring my heart & soul into a story that maybe no one or maybe thousands will read?
Like talking about running a marathon could compare with the hours of training, sweating, crying (there would certainly be tears at some point), & the exhilaration of crossing the finish line?

Yeah, I do not think that merely discussing something is really almost as good as being able to do it.  It must have been just a moment of tiredness that allowed the old fogeyness to seep into my still vibrant youth.  Yeah, that's it.  I'm sure that's it.  Don't you think so?


Beth said...

well, I for you think you should definitely write a book. Yeah, that's a good idea. You're wordy- in a good way! :) witty and well spoken.

Mary Ann said...

Beth, you are so kind. I have definitely had people tell me I'm wordy before. It's always nice when they follow up by saying that it's in a good way *grin*